


ground rules for body swapping with style

by laurenshappenstobemyhusband



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Akabane Karma Has ADHD, Akabane Karma is a Little Shit, Alternate Universe - High School, Asano Gakuhou's Bad Parenting, Body Swap, Established Relationship, Gen, I will make that a tag, Light Angst, M/M, and asano is just trying to survive, enemies to frenemies, karma is having a blast, thats the best we can hope for with these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenshappenstobemyhusband/pseuds/laurenshappenstobemyhusband
Summary: "So we're stuck in each other's bodies until we learn the power of friendship or something?" Karma rolls his eyes, leaning back in a posture that Asano's body had never been in before. "Guess that might as well happen.""Guess that might as well happen?!""Hey, you're getting the hang of being me already."OR: the one where Karma and Gakushuu are stuck being each other until they learn to be friends or all hell breaks loose. Whichever comes first.
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu, Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa, Asano Gakuhou & Asano Gakushuu
Comments: 60
Kudos: 628





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> started off crackish and now we're here. I love my children karma and *looks at smudged handwriting on palm* Ass no
> 
> Also fun fact: I honestly thought for a while that Gakuho was just a mean nickname for Gakushuu because ho. Nope, him and his dad just apparently have nearly identical names.

Waking up in someone else's body is certainly one way to start the day.

Karma prides himself on his cool demeanor and could-care-less attitude. Does he almost have a fit when he realizes he's not in his own bed? Yes. Does he start hyperventilating when he sees Asano's ugly mug in the mirror instead of his own handsome face? Also yes. Does he almost throw up when he realizes what the hell is going on? Irrelevant, but yes.

But does he cry and have a mental breakdown about it? Hell no.

By the time Principal Asano - oh god, that's his dad now - calls him down to go to school, he's more or less collected once again. He has on Asano's stupid grey blazer, his hair is combed into place, and he's looking like a prep school snack (albeit a much less handsome one than he usually looks like).

_Alright, you're probably dreaming. But in case you aren't, this is manageable. Hell, it can be fun. You're in the body of the president of the student body. You can do whatever the hell you want for a day. Well, you always do whatever the hell you want, but now Asano'll have to deal with the consequences when you switch back._

He doesn't even consider the fact that this might be permanent; that's not how the cliche goes. He just has to find purpose or friendship or some crap like that and he'll be back to normal. 

Or this is all a dream, in which case, even better.

He takes out his phone to find 12 missed calls from "E class delinquent," which he assumes is his own number. Asano's number on his phone - acquired for prank call purposes - is labelled "A class ass stick," so he supposes they're even. His finger pauses over the call button, then he decides screw it, he might as well get it over with.

"What the hell is going on?" greets him on the second ring. He winces at the sound of his own voice, which sounds pretty deranged in a totally not cool and collected way. _My reputation is going to be destroyed after this._

"Oh, hello Karma," Karma says in his best Asano impression. "Fancy hearing from you today."

"Karma I swear to fucking god-"

"I would advise you watch your language, Karma, especially since I am in the car with your principal." The hidden message is clear: _go along with this or we'll both look insane._

"Alright, _Asano."_ He hears a deep breath from the other side, then a loud exhale. "I'm sure you know what we must discuss today."

"I might have a clue." He's enjoying Asano's frazzled state a lot more than he thought he would. "Shall we meet by the front gate of the main school building? Assuming you're still allowed around there, of course." _Ah, so that's why everyone always taunts E class. It's too damn easy._

"Sure. See you soon."

"Ta ta, Karma."

"I don't say- whatever. Bye." Asano hangs up the phone, and Karma sticks his back in his pocket triumphantly, leaning back in the plush car seat. 

"What was that about?" Principal Asano asks, his voice steely. Karma almost forgot that he was there in all of the chaos. 

"Nothing, Father," he says in a lilting tone, trying his best to mimic Asano's aloofness. "Just dealing with some class E scum. He has a binder of mine that I lost, and I must retrieve it from him before he defaces it." Definitely something he would do if he had Asano's stuff. Perfectly believable.

"Alright. Just be sure not to be late to class. We don't want his bad habits to rub off on you." And _oh shit,_ Karma's going to have to go to class on time for once. This is going to be less fun than he previously thought.

The limo arrives at school, and Karma sees Asano waiting for him by the gate. Well, he sees _himself_ waiting at the gate, which is perfectly disorienting and makes his head hurt a little bit a lot. Not to mention that Asano's wearing a normal school blazer, what the fuck. It's like he's not trying to be Karma at all. _Oh, black jacket. Gone but not forgotten._

"Chop chop, Karma, I have many important places to be," Karma says, pulling Asano to the side. Principal Asano looks at them weirdly, but then leaves to go to his office. They duck around the corner to the start of the mountain, and Asano starts ripping into him.

"I don't know what the hell you did, but-" he starts, and Karma cuts him off.

"What _I_ did? I didn't do a thing! I just woke up like this."

"Well so did I, and I'm not especially happy about it."

"Neither am I, if you can't tell."

They both pause, glaring at each other. Karma never experienced the horribly weird feeling of being glared at by his own face before, and he hopes he never will again. 

Finally, he decides to be the bigger person, as always. "Look, I have to be in _your_ class in a few minutes, so I'm just going to give you a tip or two for being in class E. The teacher is a giant yellow octopus. There will be times when everyone tries to gang up and kill him. That's okay. You can just sit back and watch. Most likely they won't succeed." He pauses. "You can also tell Koro-sensei about the situation. I'm sure he's dealt with weirder."

Asano looks completely lost. "A giant... yellow... octopus."

"Yes. Try and keep up, will you? His name is Koro-sensei. He's a good teacher but feel free to try and kill him with either the gun or the knife in your bag. Well, my bag. They aren't real, they can only hurt him. And don't try and turn me in to your dear old dad. He already knows." Karma's spewing government secrets as easily as a nosy neighbor spews gossip, but he knows Asano isn't dumb enough to tell anyone. Besides...

"This is the weirdest dream I've ever had."

He's sure that Karma's making all of this up.

"Goddamn you. You suck. I'm going." He walks off, calling over his shoulder, "And good luck with the trek up the mountain! It's kind of a doozy."

"Thanks." Asano still looks dazed, but at least he doesn't look like his brain is melting anymore. If he has a mental breakdown or something and starts ripping out Karma's hair, Karma will physically kill him, his own body be damned.

Walking into class 3-A is quite the experience, especially since every single eye in the class is on him. Perks of being Asano. Karma tries to copy his strut as best as he can, and sits down in his chair surrounded by his assorted cronies. 

"Asano, you never come this late," Crony One says, the one with the half shaved hair.

"Is something the matter?" Crony Two asks, the one with the god awful eyebrows. 

Karma has a sudden, completely weird revelation.

_Oh my god, is this Asano's harem? I would've thought he would do better than this, but they are the smartest people in the school besides myself. Maybe he has a kink for that? Blech, I'm_ not _going to think about his kinks while in his body. Absolutely disgusting. I suppose if they are his harem then I'll have to be nice to them. Nagisa, forgive me for what I'm about to do. I mean none of it._

"Nothing's the matter, my darlings," he says, leaning back in his chair. "I merely got caught up in some unsavory business with Akabane of E class. Mighty unfortunate business, but worry not about me. I emerged unscathed as always." _The more I try and talk like him the more I sound like a Shakespearean prince. Eh, that's basically how he talks anyway._

The harem exchanges a look. "'Darlings?'" one of them repeats under his breath, while another asks, "Are you sure you're alright? You're acting kind of strange."

Karma puts his hand on his shoulder, silencing him with a smile. "Nonsense. I feel perfectly top of the weather. Ready to take on any adversary that comes my way." He then turns to address the class as a whole, just because he can. "I believe we should all be walking into this day as our top selves. Nobody expects any less of us, and we will deliver even more than they anticipate."

While the whole A class gives him a round of applause - he's basically a better version of Asano, evidently - their teacher walks in. Judging by the way she isn't even trying to silence them, she's used to it.

Man, A class is a whole new galaxy compared to E class.

As the class begins, Karma looks down at the packet of work he has. It's advanced stuff, probably made especially for Asano. Karma never bothers asking for _more_ work, but he can do it easily enough. _Asano's lucky he switched bodies with somebody as capable as me. And handsome, of course. And cunning, witty, able to adapt to any scenario. Basically the entire-_

"Asano, you're shaking." This is Crony Four on his left, and he realizes too late that his foot is tapping against the floor. It always happens when he's deep in thought, he doesn't even notice it anymore, but apparently it's very not-Asano behavior.

"Apologies," he whispers, winking at him. "I was a little lost in thought." He forces his foot to stay still on the ground, and sits up in his chair while he's at it. He's seen Asano's posture: stiff as a board at all times. Definitely due to the stick up his ass. As Karma is lacking said stick, he will have to work harder to look as rigid.

He lasts about twenty minutes of class. He never realized how engaging Koro-sensei is as a teacher until now, when this teacher seems to be trying her hardest to put them to sleep. The sheeple around him are scribbling like madmen, their identical bland faces screwed up in identical concentration.

Karma can barely look at his packet, let alone actually try to finish it. Doing advanced math is fun for about three seconds, then it just drags on him. He barely makes it through the exams, let alone studying on his own time. Plus, he has to consciously stop his body from fidgeting every few seconds like clockwork. The second he lets his mind wander, his pen starts clicking or his leg starts shaking, and his - Asano's - image is all ruined.

"May I use the bathroom?" he asks when he feels like he might physically explode. His phone is in his pocket, and he checks it as soon as he reaches the bathroom. He's surprised to find a few missed texts, only one of which he pays attention to.

**class E delinquent:** Come quick. It's important.

Being Asano Gakushuu has its benefits. Karma leaves the building easily, saying he has to deal with school president business outside. Nobody questions him as he grabs his stuff from the classroom, although his harem does give him a strange look. Ah, he'll deal with them later. Maybe Asano will have tips as to how to deal with them.

Climbing up the mountain lets him get all of his excess energy out. With no one around to watch him, he leaps from rock to rock, swinging on branches when they're low enough to reach. He doesn't belong in that stuffy classroom in the main building, he belongs up here on the mountain where he can actually breathe.

Karma makes it to the top in record time, breathing heavily. He realizes last minute that it might look weird for Asano Gakushuu to be there at all, but he brushes it aside. Everyone in 3-E knows that Asano does what he wants.

He strolls into the classroom, peeking his head in and ultimately walking right in. The class stares at him, half shocked and half annoyed. Asano's done this enough that he's no big surprise.

Koro-sensei fixes him with a big smile. His disguise has been quickly applied, and Karma stares openly at his fake nose, half askew on his face. _How the hell hasn't he been discovered yet?_ "Asano, what brings you here?"

Karma decides to stick with the cover. "If I may, I must borrow Akabane for a few moments." He doesn't wait for permission, as Asano never does. He grabs Asano's arm, dragging him outside with a cheery, "I'll return him shortly."

Once they're outside, he relinquishes his hold on Asano's arm. "Alright, talk. You got me all the way up this hell mountain, you should at least have something to say."

Asano looks pale. "You were right, he is a giant yellow octopus."

"Would I ever lie to you? I'm sure your expression was positively to die for."

"You mean _your_ expression, and yes, I almost fell out of my chair." 

Karma scowls; he had almost forgotten that everything that Asano does directly reflects on him. "So what's the emergency? Did somebody ask you if you were secretly Asano or something? Otherwise I don't see why I have to be here."

"A few things occurred, actually. For one, I told your teacher about the body switch as soon as he was available alone."

"And?"

"He's the one who did it."

That gives Karma pause, although it shouldn't. There's only one crazy magical being in his life, so it might as well be him. He won't even question how the hell he managed it; Koro-sensei will do anything to teach a lesson, including bend the laws of space and time.

"So we're stuck in each other's bodies until we learn the power of friendship or something?" He rolls his eyes, leaning back in a posture that Asano's body had never been in before. "Guess that might as well happen."

"Guess that might as well happen?!"

"Hey, you're getting the hang of being me already."

Asano rolls his own eyes, his posture stock straight in a way that definitely hurts Karma's out of practice spine. "Another thing: your vision is simply abominable."

"That's why I wear contacts. Glasses get in the way when I fight people."

"Of course they do." He shifts, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "One more detail: your classmates have been looking at me oddly all day."

"Oh no, is Prince Asano not used to being regarded as one of the common folks? Gosh, I should've prepared you. Must be difficult to try and acclimate-"

"I'm being serious." He frowns, stares down at his shoes. "Especially the blue haired one. Do you two have a personal vendetta against each other or something? He seemed to be staring even more than the others."

Karma groans out loud, smacking his hand to his forehead. "I knew you were inept, but this is ridiculous. That's my _boyfriend,_ Nagisa. And if you did anything to upset him I'll pull your fingernails out one by one."

"You'll pull your own-"

"Shut up." He takes a deep breath, running his hands through Asano's less soft hair. "What exactly did you do, from the second you walked into class?"

Asano blinks. "Well, I did my best to act like you. I walked in late, I sat down in the back, I didn't do any of the class work until the last second."

"Good, good. What else?" 

"When the rest of the class began shooting at your teacher I joined in. I'm a decent shot, but none of them hit the target." He frowns. "Your octopus teacher is quite fast. Is he an alien?"

"It's complicated. Did you do anything else?"

"Well..." He looks sheepish, an expression that has never once crossed Karma's face nor his own. "You seem to enjoy making other people miserable, so I insulted a few people. Nothing too harsh, just the usual snark. That's when they all began staring at me."

"Oh my god you're so dumb," Karma says, staring off into the sky. "I thought you're supposed to be the smart one. So you just walked in and randomly started insulting people? Just like that?"

"Isn't that what you-"

"Of course not! I have class when I insult people. I know exactly how to make them tick without actually setting them off. I know who deserves it and who doesn't. And you, an insult amateur, decided to come into my class and act like a master?" He spits on the ground. "What did you say to Nagisa? Depending on how bad the answer is, I may or may not give 'myself' a haircut tonight."

"I didn't say much to him, I swear," Asano insists. "I merely asked if he did his pigtails himself or if he asked his mommy to help."

Karma's hands twitch at his sides. "I take it back, you're an expert at insulting people. You can somehow poke at their biggest insecurities without even being aware of it. I don't know if you're the smartest person on the planet or the dumbest. Please, don't enlighten me."

"How was I supposed to know any of this? All you told me was that your teacher is a yellow octopus and I have to kill him."

Karma isn't listening. He reaches into his bag, pulling out a piece of loose leaf paper and a pen. Clicking it open against his jaw, he begins to write in big block letters: GROUND RULES FOR BEING AKABANE KARMA.

"Number one," he says aloud, writing as he does. "No insulting my boyfriend. Or anyone, for that matter. Only if someone's being a huge asshole are you allowed to step in and put them down."

"Is this really necessary?" Asano asks, but Karma shushes him. 

"Number two: never wear the school uniform. You know which blazer I always wear. It should be hanging in my closet somewhere. I don't _do_ grey." He thinks for a second, tapping the pen between his fingers. "Number three: stand as straight as you are. So, not straight at all. It shouldn't be hard to slouch a little. It's my body, after all."

"Anything else?"

"Hmmmmm. No flirting with my boyfriend either. No talking to him at all, actually. I'll explain the situation to him today after school, but avoid him until then. I don't want your slimeballness around him." He clicks the pen back shut. "That so hard?"

"My turn," Asano says, pulling out his own notepad. "I have a couple of things I want to go over as well."

"Is it how to flirt with your harem? Because I swear, they're not used to praise at all. I have no idea why they follow you at all-"

"They're not my harem!" There's something Karma never liked about his face: when he blushes, his face goes cherry red. Almost to the point of unhealthiness. Asano - in Karma's body - looks like a bomb about to go off. "They're just my friends, jesus christ. Have you none yourself?"

"I have friends, but they don't dote on me like yours do. It's borderline obsessive."

"Most people in this school obsess over me. I am a big deal, after all." For the first time all day, his Asano spirit is shining through. "You just made my life easier. Rule number one: No flirting with my friends. Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"I was only flirting with them so they wouldn't be suspicious," Karma says honestly. "Why would I want to flirt with any of them? Besides for the creep with the half shaved head, they're not even hot. That guy with the horrible eyebrows creeps me out."

"Oh yeah, and all of your classmates are simply gorgeous."

"I mean none of them have my stunning features but at least I can tell the difference between them. Your whole class looks like an ad for octuplets with depression. They all have the same boring face."

"Are you boys doing alright?" Koro-sensei asks, joining them in the front. "The whole class could see quite a commotion. Don't worry, they couldn't hear a thing. I just told them I'm here to help you settle things."

"Koro-sensei, how do we switch back?" Karma asks, almost desperately. "He's ruining my rep. Plus I'm losing my mind in A class. You know how it is." Koro-sensei is always the one to send him out on a random errand when he notices him getting antsy. He knows his limitations better than anyone.

"If I may add," Asano interrupts, "I'm not having the time of my life here either."

"Both so similar, yet so different," Koro-sensei muses. "It wears off after three days, so you should be fine after that. Just focus on trying to understand each other more. That is why I did the switch in the first place, after all."

"I might just stay home until it's over," Karma says. "This is taking a toll on my mental health."

"You can't." There's a weird glint in Asano's eyes when he says this. "You're Asano Gakushuu. You have to be perfect." He laughs a little, but there's no feeling in it. "I suppose I have it easier. All I have to do is be a horrible student. No one will bat an eye if I ditch class for the next few days."

"While that may be true, I feel you would gain a valuable experience by being in class 3-E," Koro-sensei says gently. "And Karma, if you stay in class 3-A, I believe you would learn a lot as well." He checks his watch, turning to Karma. "By now they're probably wondering what sort of business you're up to, Asano. I'd suggest running back soon. As for you, 'Karma," you can follow me right back into class."

Asano follows Koro-sensei back into class, and Karma begins his descent down the mountain. He should be feeling relieved that it'll only be three days, but a dark sense of foreboding is weighing him down. 

_Three days, huh? Guess this is for real._

He doesn't know if he'll learn any life lessons. After all, he's not living a shoujo slice of life manga strip. But whatever happens, he has a feeling that something big is about to happen. Even bigger than Asano's harem. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Karma but here's Asano's POV for this chapter! I'm thinking it'll alternate until the end

Gakushuu returns to class with the octopus teacher, holding Karma's stupid list crumpled in his hand. He didn't think being the school delinquent would come with so many technicalities. _I can't imagine how much damage control I will have to do once this ordeal is over._

He heads straight to his seat, ignoring the stares from every idiot in the class. He recognizes a few of them; Isogai from the pole toppling match, Sugino from the baseball game, the girl with the glasses who almost burnt her eyebrows off once while trying to demonstrate something with chemicals. He pointedly does _not_ look in the direction of the boy with the pigtails, even though he can feel him boring holes in his head with his eyes. Karma might be insane, but he doesn't bluff, and Gakushuu likes his hair just the way it is. No talking to that guy for the rest of the day.

"What the hell was that?" he hears someone whisper to him, and he turns to find a blonde girl staring wide eyed at him. _Is Karma friends with her or not? Does it even matter? He never banned me from talking to her, so..._

"Aw, you know Asano," he says in his lightest tone, throwing his head back. He's working his hardest to keep his posture positively awful, but it's almost painful to his strictly disciplined back. _Technically this isn't my back, so I suppose it shouldn't bother me._ "Just coming up here to try and mess with me. Stick up his ass and all that."

He takes inspiration from the garbage he's heard Karma say about him right to his face. He doesn't get angry easily, so he'd probably take all of this like a joke. What _doesn't_ he take like a joke?

"Ha, yeah I figured," she continues in a loud whisper. Technically they're supposed to be working individually, but - unsurprisingly - not that many people are actually concentrating. Octopus teacher is making his rounds, but if he cares that they're talking, he doesn't show it. "Ten bucks says that this means he's going to challenge us to some new completely useless competition. I'm thinking... poker."

Gakushuu's eye twitches, but he forces himself to relax again. _They're not useless competitions, they're perfectly reasonable trials of competence. Somebody in this school has to make sure everyone knows their place, and it certainly isn't my father. Although the way this year is going, even my own efforts don't seem to be doing much._

"Yeah, maybe." He turns to the work in front of him, hands itching to finish it. He didn't expect Karma to have such easy work, although Karma is the kind of person to do the bare minimum even while being the smartest person in his idiot class. Gakushuu can't even _do_ his idiot work since to keep up impressions, he has to look like doing schoolwork is the biggest burden in his carefree life. Not that he can do it so easily in his visually impaired state; just looking at the small print is giving him a headache. 

"Yo, Karma," a delinquent beside him calls out. "Haven't seen you sit so still since Koro-sensei did your nails."

Gakushuu has _many_ questions, but he decides that he can always ask Karma about it later. For now, he has been given permission by the devil himself to insult whoever has it coming, and this guy is certainly asking for it.

"And I haven't seen someone so ugly since your mom stopped by at parent teacher conferences," he shoots back. He would never make a "your mom" joke himself, but Karma is just tasteless enough that it wouldn't be strange. Besides for their obvious differences in class, him and Karma are both quick thinkers, so it's not hard for him to insult like him.

The delinquent huffs and turns back to his work, and Gakushuu sits and ponders what he said. _Am I sitting too straight again? No, he said sitting still. Karma must be a chronic fidgeter then. Figures, him being as quick to fight as he is, that he's restless all the time._

Gakushuu is the opposite of Karma: when he's deep in thought, he stays frozen as a statue. Trying to fidget manually only makes his focus worse, as he has to put brainpower into finding out just how much to fidget and when it borderlines manic. He can make the scale based on how much the delinquent in his periphery stares in bewilderment. The perfect amount is him just looking over every once in a while in disgust. 

Before he knows it, they're dismissed for lunch, and he hasn't done any real work all day. His skin itches, and he feels real restlessness building up inside of him. How can anyone be so lazy all the time? If his father ever saw him so unproductive, he would ground him for weeks.

His heart stops thinking of Karma in his place, all the way down the mountain in A class. _He better be upholding my image to the student body and my father. I might die if he doesn't._

The students mill around the outside area, and Gakushuu ponders over where to sit. He sees the blue haired boy sitting on one bench and steers clear of it, settling next to the blonde girl who spoke to him earlier. She seems like a safe bet, and when he unwraps his lunch and starts to eat beside her, she doesn't kick him out immediately. Gakushuu's never had to question where to sit before; it's definitely not good for his ego.

"Are you and Nagisa in a fight or something?" she asks, and it takes him a second to remember that Nagisa is the boy he's supposed to be avoiding. "You usually only sit with me when you guys are fighting."

"Am I not allowed to just sit with my best friend on the planet?" he asks, trying for Karma's devilish smile and settling on his own challenging one. It probably looks the same on Karma's face anyway.

"You very clearly once told me that your list of priorities goes Nagisa, Raptor, strawberry milk, your pen that clicks with making a sound, your pen that clicks _without_ making a sound, and all the way at the bottom, me."

"Learn to take a joke," Gakushuu says, wondering who Raptor is and why Karma is so mean to his friends. _This is probably why he thought my friends were my harem. He's so mean to his own friends, he probably doesn't get treated very well from them._ "But to answer your question, yeah, we're in a fight. It'll probably blow over in a few days."

"The last time you got in a fight, you were in such a bad mood you tried to stab Terasaka with a plastic straw."

"That was different."

"Three people had to hold you back."

"It was a bad week."

She rolls her eyes. "Alright, I won't pry. But if I see you near anything sharp I'm telling Koro-sensei to bring the handcuffs back out. And before you can say anything, not in a kinky way."

"Noted." _I should not have to think about any of Karma's kinks while I'm stuck in here. All of Karma's friends seem to be just as vulgar as he is. Nothing surprising here._

They eat in mostly silence. Nagisa doesn't try approaching them, eating instead with Sugino and a green haired girl, but Gakushuu keeps his eyes on his sandwich anyway. He's not used to making his own lunch, so that morning he settled on something easy that he could make while also having a panic attack. The morning had not been pretty, he can say that much. He's glad that Karma's parents hadn't been around to hear him yell and knock over half of the products on the sink in his shock.

Lunch ends, and he's halfway to the building when he feels a hand grab his arm. He freezes, then relaxes once he realizes that it's only the blue haired boy, then grits his teeth. _Damn, I was doing such a good job of avoiding him too._

"You're avoiding me," he says, and someone so short shouldn't look so scary. Or have such a tight grip, for that matter. _I wondered before how someone so harmless could date someone like Karma, but here's my answer. They're both sadists. I'm starting to think this whole class is sadistic. Of course, they're assassins in training. Obviously they're sadistic._

He realizes that he's still frozen in place, and his arm is most definitely bruising. Well, Karma's arm. _What to do... If I were Karma I would most likely make a joke out of this. Of course, if I were Karma I would not be avoiding him in the first place._

He wrenches his arm from Nagisa's grasp, rubbing it a little. "I can't talk to you now, but just wait until after school. It will all make sense then." Karma can deal with his small angry boyfriend when the time comes. Anyone who would willingly date Karma is insane enough to be a threat.

Koro-sensei (or rather, one of his clones; Gakushuu has to pinch himself every so often to make sure he's really awake) approaches him during class with a new packet.

"I'm sure you're bored out of your mind with Karma's work, and I hate to see any student not learning," he whispers, putting the papers on his desk. Gakushuu is relieved to see that it's work more on the level that he does every day in A class, rather than the elementary school math Karma had in his bag. It's even in a bigger font than normal so he won't have to hold his face an inch from the paper to read it. _The octopus really does think of everything. He's surprisingly considerate._

"Why do you always let Karma do such easy work then?" he asks, making sure the delinquent isn't eavesdropping out of the corner of his eye. "Surely you know better than most that he can do all of the work you assign in seconds without breaking a sweat. He just chooses not to."

"Of course," Koro-sensei replies. "I'd be lying if I said that I could teach Karma much academically. His skills are already far beyond a normal high schooler's. Besides for exam time, he doesn't spend much time in class hitting the books."

"But?"

"But there are other lessons to be taught in my class. Besides assassination, I'm trying to teach him to interact positively with his classmates and be a team player. By assigning him the same work as everyone else, I ensure that he's able to go over it with the rest of them and help them with the problems they don't understand."

He takes out another piece of paper, and Gakushuu squints to see that it's an essay about bureaucracy written by Karma. It's also about twenty pages long, double sided with font small enough that he can barely read it.

"I'm not worried about Karma wasting his potential by not working in class. If I were to assign him extra work, he would go out of his way not to do it because that's the kind of person he is. But when he's passionate about something, like he is about bureaucratic work, he puts every bit of effort into learning about it and doing his best."

"I suppose that's where we differ," Gakushuu says under his breath, and Koro-sensei laughs.

"It sure is. You don't have the same learning limitations that he does, so you can spend hours on a subject that you don't particularly care about for the sake of doing well in school. I'm sure that'll bring you far in life as well."

"I do what's expected of me," he says, looking down at the packet of extra work. "Sometimes it upsets me that Karma has no expectations at all to uphold. He simply does whatever he wishes."

He doesn't know why he's saying any of this to Koro-sensei. Maybe the fact that he's an octopus alien makes it easier to talk to him, since it's not like he'll tell anyone his secrets with such a big one of his own. Or maybe because he has a voice that says _tell me all of your problems and I'll make them feel smaller._ Whatever it is, it simultaneously comforts and unnerves Gakushuu.

Koro-sensei must sense this too, because he says, "I'll let you get to your work. But I wouldn't think so low of Karma if I were you. He has his own problems to deal with in his daily life."

It's easier to get through class when he can throw himself into his work. He doesn't care if people see "Karma" doing work for once, he just needs to be productive. Every second he isn't, he can feel his father looking down over his shoulder and tutting at his incompetence. As long as he keeps his work up, his father has nothing to look down on him for. 

Karma texts him sometime near the end of class. He zooms in all the way so he can read what the text bubble says. _I'll have to remember to put in contacts tomorrow morning. My head is positively killing me._

 **A class ass stick:** tell nagisa to meet you by the school gates after the bell rings

Gakushuu frowns, and it's not only because of the contact name or the lack of punctuation in the text.

 **Me:** Why can't you do it yourself? I thought I'm not supposed to talk to him.

 **A class ass stick:** he wont listen to a text from "asano"

 **A class ass stick:** hes prob already suspicious of you but whatever

 **Me:** How can I not be suspicious? You told me to avoid him.

 **A class ass stick:** get off my back. just text him

He reluctantly does so, unfortunately finding his name under "Sit On My Face," followed by a few heart emojis. The only reason he makes the connection is because he's also his emergency contact. _I'm sure any paramedic being forced to call this number would appreciate it just as little as I do._

 **Me:** meet me by the front gate after school and I'll explain everything

He can see Nagisa read his text, then look back at him questioningly. His response comes shortly afterwards.

 **Sit On My Face 💖💖💖:** if this is an excuse to fight because you like it as foreplay then you could just say so

Gakushuu almost chokes on air.

 **Me:** no. definitely not. just trust me

 **Sit On My Face 💖💖💖:** code

Gakushuu stares at the text for a good minute, then looks up at Nagisa. He's staring back at him expectantly like he's supposed to know what the hell "code" means. He texts Karma for guidance.

 **Me:** Code?

 **A class ass stick:** pickled fries

 **Me:** What?

 **A class ass stick:** just text that to him. itll make him trust you

It sounds like the most insane thing in the world, which is probably why he does as Karma says. It's so perfectly absurd it can only make sense to someone from E class.

Nagisa still doesn't look happy when he texts this, but he looks less suspicious than before. 

**Sit On My Face 💖💖💖:** ok see you then

Gakushuu goes back to texting Karma.

 **Me:** So what was that about?

 **A class ass stick:** its an assassin thing. we made a code so just in case one of us was being mind controlled or secretly replaced or something wed know. pickled fries means everything is ok. if you texted back "stoned unicorn" then he would assume you're being blackmailed. rotten floorboards for if youre being followed, glass pizza for if youre in immediate danger

 **A class ass stick:** if you didnt text any of those then hed prob tell korosensei to chain you up for interrogation. the fact that hes asking for the code at all means you suck at being me lmao

 **Me:** Thanks for telling me that now, after I could've possibly gotten myself chained and gagged.

 **A class ass stick:** no problemo

Class finally ends, and Gakushuu puts the packet of work on Koro-sensei's desk to be graded.

"No need," he says, handing it back to him (if you can call it that with the whole tentacle situation). "You're not getting a grade on it, and I'm sure you got it all correct anyway. This is just to tide you over until you make it back to A class."

Gakushuu grimaces. "Could you possibly just make sure please? I do want to learn something while I'm here, and if there is a mistake it would be awful if it flew under the radar."

Koro-sensei is impossible to read, so he doesn't know what the heady silence that follows this means. But he ends up taking his packet and putting it in his bag, so it can't be all bad.

Nagisa's already left when he exits the classroom, so he heads down the mountain alone. He almost trips twice on rocks too small for him to see, and his shoes are scuffed by the time he reaches the gate. Two people are waiting by the gate, one pink blur and one blue one. Karma's and Nagisa's faces come into focus as he gets closer.

"Perfect timing!" Karma says when Gakushuu stumbles over, sweating a little. "I was just about to start explaining the situation to Nagisa."

"I'm starting to think I know already," Nagisa says, looking between the two of them. "I want to hear one of you say it, though, just because it's a little crazy."

"If it's crazy, it's probably correct," Gakushuu says, sighing loudly. "Karma, will you do the honors?"

"Certainly, Asano," Karma says with a smile. "Unless you'd rather say it in unison?"

"Is this all a game to you? If you'll be childish about it then I'd rather be the one to say it."

"You can't just take it back. Besides, he's my boyfriend so I should be the one to do it."

"Get on with it, then."

Before Karma can say what he's been _dying_ to get out, Nagisa cut in.

"You two switched bodies," he says. His face is pale, but his voice doesn't waver. He's taking it a lot better than Gakushuu did, in other words, although in his defense Nagisa didn't have to wake up in Karma's body himself. 

"I knew you'd figure it out," Karma says cheerily. "You're much smarter than Asano's harem, since they didn't suspect a thing other than a stomach bug. It's been so boring all day, trying to stay awake in class without being able to talk to you or see your cute face."

"We should probably lay off of the couple stuff while you're still in Asano's body," Nagisa says, grimacing a little. The fact that he believes him at all and doesn't assume it's an elaborate prank proves that he really does trust Karma. "It's really weird hearing your tone and words in his voice out of his mouth. I might never be able to look at Asano the same way again."

"You're completely right," Karma says, although he does frown a little. "Also feel free to let me know any shit that Asano pulls while he's me so I can beat him up for it later. We're stuck like this for the next two days."

"You're the one who's probably pulling all sorts of hijinks as me," Gakushuu says, pointing a finger. "And stop calling my friends my harem."

"Looking back on today, this makes a lot of sense," Nagisa cuts them both off, taking out a notepad. "I thought you were acting strange, but I figured it was something with your parents and you were just being grumpy about it. Then when you sent that really ominous text I assumed it was something assassin-related. But it turned out to be none of the above."

"Is there some parent situation I should be aware of?" Gakushuu asks, but they both ignore him.

"I would've texted you myself but I figured that would only make you more suspicious," Karma says apologetically. "And when you say no couple stuff, does that include making out?"

"Obviously. Do you want me to enjoy making out with you while you're Asano?"

"Good point, definitely not." He looks shadily at Gakushuu out of the corner of his eye, as if any of it was his idea. "I'll survive somehow. Here, let me give you Asano's number so you can text me."

"If all of this is established, may I go now? I have a long night of trying to pretend this is all a dream ahead of me," Gakushuu says. The weight of the whole day feels heavier than ever, and he wants nothing more than to fall onto his bed and go to sleep. Since that isn't an option, Karma's bed will have to suffice for the time being. 

"Go, goodbye," Karma says, waving him off. "Wait, before you go, don't forget to feed my cat."

"You have a cat?"

"Yeah, and she's probably starving right now. Feed her two cans of wet food instead of one. You can find them in the white pantry over the- you know what, I'll text this to you. Any special instructions for your house?"

Gakushuu tries to think of anything Karma could possibly mess up for him. "Father will give you a ride home, and he's probably waiting impatiently already for you in the school parking lot. When he asks about your day, tell him it was uneventful. Mention something new you learned, even if you already know it, as long as it's something complicated. Do not talk over dinner. Thank the cleaning lady when she leaves the house at the end of the day. And for the love of god, do whatever homework you have to do for tomorrow. I have a reputation to uphold."

Karma whistles low. "Is that all? Sounds like I'm getting the short end of the stick with this switcheroo."

"I'm the one who has to live with it the rest of the time. You'll survive." He doesn't mean for his tone to sound so acidic, but it's grating on him that Karma's acting like three days in his life will kill him, while he can do whatever the hell he wants every other day of the year. Every other day in his life, really. "I'm going."

"See you tomorrow, Asano," Nagisa calls, a tad awkwardly, and Karma merely waves with his devil smirk. Gakushuu doesn't wave back to either of them, and uses the magic of his phone's gps to guide him home on foot. A forty five minute walk home? Just the cherry on top. 

_What an amazing day this has been. I can't wait for tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you need a simple way to distinguish between Asano and Karma (because they're both cocky bastards who think too highly of themselves:
> 
> Karma: doesn't give one single crap about 99% of everything in his life
> 
> Asano: cares so much about everything it's not even funny


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Asano is out of earshot, Karma sinks to his knees and groans dramatically. 

"I was being polite before so he wouldn't deface my body," he says to Nagisa, who's far too used to his outbreaks of drama. "But now that he's gone, don't look at me, darling. I'm hideous."

"Asano's considered one of the most handsome boys in the school," Nagisa says, trying to be helpful, but it only makes Karma feel worse. 

"Don't speak nicely about him! He's a piss stain on the pants of my life. When this is over I never want to see his dumb face again."

"I thought you love having a rival that you can beat with infinite satisfaction knowing how much harder he works than you." He's repeating Karma's own words back to him, memorized after many explanations on Karma's part about how, while the concept of Asano physically hurts him, he can't just ignore him. They're yin and yang, balancing each other out. Beating out every other person in school isn't the same without the high stakes of challenging Asano.

"Forget everything I've said about a healthy rivalry. Healthy rivalries don't involve switching bodies and having to hang out with his dumb harem and doing his stupid work in his stifling classroom surrounded by people who spit on Class E's shoes on a daily basis." He takes a deep breath, rising to his feet and wiping off his knees. "Alright, how long was that?"

"A minute forty seven. Really good, considering everything." 

Karma doesn't _do_ real complaining. Whiny people piss him off more than anything, and anyone who can't roll with the punches of life won't ever be successful. He doesn't have a lot to complain about either; big house, parents giving him free reign over his life, his intelligence, Nagisa. He likes to be a dramatic bitch, but he draws the line at real unloading.

Sometimes, however, it adds up, especially since their whole school has it out for him and their class. And the only condition Nagisa had when he asked him out was that Karma be open with him about his emotions. So, when he can't get to his punching bag quick enough - and it's a real punching bag in his house now, not a dumbass he designates as a punching bag anymore - he tells it all to Nagisa. He gives himself three minutes tops each time, because any longer would leave him feeling like a weakling. Thus far, he's been pretty good at keeping it together. 

Nagisa's usually the one with the bigger problems between them, so it feels weird to be the comforted one. Nice, but weird. 

"Want to come over?" he offers. "Even though we can't do romantic stuff, we can still hang out. It'll also leave you less time stuck with Principal Asano in his house."

"You know I would love that, darling, but you heard Asano," Karma says. "I have to drive home with Principal Asano, then eat dinner with him." He tries to remember the last time he had a normal family dinner, but he can't recall. Probably sometime last year. Thanksgiving, maybe? "I'll call you after though. Asano has nothing in his room, like actually nothing, except for some workbooks. Not even any interesting books."

"Remember when you tried to start the rumor that he's actually a furry and the reason he works so hard in school is so that he can attend his furry conventions after school?"

"One of my best, Nagisa dear." He grins, remembering the fist fight he almost had with Asano over that. "That definitely almost broke him. If he had anything sharp on him at the time, I would probably have been in danger of being stabbed."

"It would take a really great assassin to put _you_ in danger, Karma," Nagisa says, and there's a smirk in his voice. "Unless they managed to put you in a headlock between their legs, of course."

"You're the only one who can take me, babe," Karma says, itching to wrap his arms around Nagisa and put his chin on his head. What's the point of having a boyfriend seven inches shorter than you otherwise? 

He gets a text before he can do anything, and oddly enough, it's from someone named Sir. _Jesus fucking hell, if this is some sort of sub/dom thing I'm calling the police. I really have to get Asano to tell me his dirty little secrets before they surprise me in the middle of the night._

**Sir:** You're late. Is something holding you up?

With a start, Karma realizes that "sir" is actually Principal Asano. _Does he call his father "sir" all the time? I thought he only did that in school to be respectful. Things just keep getting weirder and weirder._

"Speak of the devil," he says to Nagisa. "I'll talk soon, okay? Wish me luck."

"If anyone can do it, it's you, Karma," Nagisa says resolutely, and Karma blows him a kiss as he walks towards the parking lot, Asano's body be damned. 

Principal Asano is cross with him when he finally enters the car, but that might just be his normal demeanor. Karma's never seen him anything more or less than calm, cool, and collected. If he wasn't a complete dirtbag, he would probably be Karma's idol. He has everything in his life together, that's for sure. 

"How was your day?" he asks, motioning for the driver to start the drive home. Karma tries to remember Asano's word vomit instructions. _Is this the part where I'm supposed to talk, or not to talk? Wait, I'm supposed to say something I learned. Eh, fuck it, I'll make something up._

"Uneventful," Karma says, his tone posh and polished. "We learned about vector spaces in linear algebra."

Principal Asano raises an eyebrow. "Did you now? I was under the impression that you finished linear algebra last year."

_How much extra work does Asano do? Isn't college level math enough for this bastard?_

"Ah, that's true, but it is always good to review some of the trickier subjects," Karma says, talking out of his ass. He should've gotten a script made by Asano or something. Trying to figure out the principal's expectations is like playing russian roulette, but with disappointment as the bullet.

"If there are any subjects troubling you, Gakushuu, I can always teach it to you myself," Principal Asano says, and Karma doesn't like the gleam in his eye. If he had to compare it to something, he would say it's like the look a corrupt surgeon gives to the unwitting patient under anesthesia right before he steals their organs.

But he deals with real assassins and kidnappers and freaking bioengineered humans on a weekly basis. No regular, law abiding man can scare him, even if he is the principal from hell that decides his future (or, currently, his father).

"You underestimate me as always, sir," he says softly, in what Nagisa refers to as his intimidation tactic voice. It doesn't work on anyone in his class except Terasaka anymore, but it works wonders on outsiders. "What can I do that will satisfy you?"

He ponders this, tapping his finger to his chin. "Your rash words suggest that you've been speaking too much to Mr. Akabane today. It's highly unlike you to question me so openly, rather than let your actions speak for themselves. I also heard from your teacher that you left for an extended period of time today in the middle of class, which doesn't constitute an uneventful day by far. So rather than you asking the questions, how about I take a turn?"

Karma is frozen in his seat. _He hit the nail right on the head, just by talking to me for a minute. I was wrong to compare him to the average person. He's a real helicopter parents, made even more so by the fact that he can monitor me in school too._ Still, he isn't about to bow out and let himself - or Asano - lose this competition of interrogation. He has no idea how Asano would respond, but at the moment, he finds that he doesn't care. 

"Sir, with all due respect, what I get up to in my bathroom breaks are no one's business but my own and my doctor's," he says coolly. "If I must explain every time I leave the classroom or do something other than the work in front of me, this will be quite a long car ride."

"Funny. I didn't know the bathrooms in the main building were bad enough that you felt the need to climb all the way up the mountain to use class E's. Unless, of course, you weren't there to use the bathroom at all."

It's a full on word based death match now, and Principal Asano has the clear advantage. He has information from the eyes and ears of everyone in the entire school building, out of both respect and fear. Karma wouldn't be surprised if Asano's own friends were also moles to him, relaying bits of information where the teacher might be unaware. _No wonder he has a stick up his ass. Any breath out of place, and it's torture chamber time in the car ride._

It's a weird transition, even if it's temporary. Going from having two parents who he barely sees at all to one that breathes down his neck at all times. He knows which one he'd prefer in a heartbeat; if he had Principal Asano for a dad, he'd probably switch schools.

He's been quiet for too long, giving Principal Asano full opportunity to gauge his expression. _Bug, meet microscope._ He has to think of some excuse, even if it's dumb, or he'll never hear the end of this.

"I was... doing some reconnaissance," he says, wincing internally at how stupid he sounds. "On class E. I was gone for only twenty minutes, and the teacher was going over work I checked already, so I figured, what's the harm?" 

Principal Asano, to Karma's relief/complete confusion, doesn't look like this is the weirdest thing he's ever heard. Rather, he looks slightly annoyed, as if this is regular rebellious child behavior.

"If you are seeking information on their teacher, I can assure you that you will find nothing out of the ordinary," he says smoothly. "However, if I see you continue to value your 'investigative work' over your studies, I may have to send you there, but as a student of class E."

_Just for one missed class? He doesn't fuck around._

Before Karma can respond, they arrive at Asano's mini mansion, and their conversation is over. Karma carries his bag to the house, putting it down in Asano's room before heading down to dinner. He wants some time to ground himself, to figure out the situation and where he stands, but Asano Gakuhoe doesn't wait for anyone. He doesn't want any more passive aggressive texts, that's for sure.

Unlike the drive home, dinner is completely silent. Asano's mom is also there, and Karma greets her when he sits down beside her, but she gives him an odd look before greeting him back. He doesn't try and engage with either of them after that. The food is good enough that he occupies himself with that instead, filling his plate with whatever looks good. He doesn't know what Asano eats, but he won't lose sleep about not following his usual diet.

Once he excuses himself from the table, he beelines to Asano's room, bolting the door behind him. Only once he's in Asano's bathroom, door shut, does he risk calling Nagisa. He has no viable excuse for calling him, so discretion is of the utmost importance. 

"How are you holding up?" Nagisa asks as soon as he picks up the phone. Karma considers telling him all of the gory details about the car ride conversation, but he's done enough bitching for the day.

"Not too terrible, darling," he says, making himself comfortable in Asano's giant bathtub that he no doubt has for long, serious times of deep reflection. The bath bombs under the sink are also great blackmail material. "Having a ride to and from school is a nice perk. I also found a _fascinating_ physics textbook on Asano's shelf that I might delve into after this. He has no phone games, what a mood killer."

"Feeling optimistic now?"

"Nobody can mope forever. Now tell me about how weird Asano was in class E. I want every juicy bit."

"I can't tell if this'll make you die of laughter or more upset."

"Que sera, sera. I'm light as a feather, babe."

As Nagisa recounts what will probably weigh on Karma's reputation as his weirdest day ever, he sinks further into the bathtub, one cheek pressed against the cool porcelain. If he can stay in here for the next few days, that'll be nice. He's gone that long without food, and he can drink from the sink water or something, he's not picky. Lack of stimulation might be a problem, but it's not like there's a lot to do in class A either. And he can always call Nagisa or, worst case scenario, Asano himself. 

They're in the middle of talking about Koro-sensei's new attempt to get Chiba to change his hairstyle when he hears a knock on his door. He rolls to a sitting position, cracking his neck.

"Hold on a second, beef, I have to get the door," he says.

"'Beef?'"

"It's short for boyfriend. I was just trying it out."

"On the list of pet names you use, please put beef at the bottom," Nagisa says, but he's laughing. "Go get the door, you can call me back after."

"Sure thing." He hangs up, opening the bedroom door slowly. Instead of the scary principal figure he's expecting, it's a woman he's never seen before. _Probably the housekeeper,_ he figures, and steps aside to let her in.

Unlike the other two adults in the house, she regards him warmly, asking about his day in heavily accented Japanese. Asano gave him no instructions, so he figures it doesn't matter what he says. He talks vaguely about school, laying down on Asano's bed while she vacuums. At one point she stops dusting, turning to face him.

"You have to stress less," she says firmly, and he freezes. "Don't work so hard. You have frown lines."

"Okay..." he says, picking up the closest book so he doesn't have to meet her gaze anymore. _English literature, fascinating._ Now _this_ is what he had expected from Asano's mom, and he's not prepared for sincerity in this cold stone house. "Thank you."

She hums in reply, returning to her dusting. He thanks her again when she leaves, and she says, "Always, Gakushuu." He needs air, fast. The window is close and doesn't have a screen. He locks his door again and climbs out, letting the cold air wash over him. 

He opens his phone to call Nagisa back, because he needs his rock now, but he gets a call instead. It's the man of the hour himself, Asano. Karma picks up before he can overthink it. 

"What's up?" he asks, laying flat on his back. He's a phone pacer, but that isn't exactly an option here on the roof. "Need help finding the cat food?"

"Well, yeah, but that isn't all," Asano says. "Your mother called."

Karma drops his phone, scrambling to get it before it slides off the roof and into the gutter. "Of all the days," he says ruefully. "Tell me you didn't pick up."

"You didn't tell me to, so I didn't," Asano says, and a ray of light shines down on Karma's soul. _He's not complete garbage after all. God save the queen._

"Beautiful. Marvelous. Continue to not pick up if either of my parents call," Karma says. "Cat food is in white pantry over the fridge, third shelf."

"I saw your cat once. I don't think she likes you."

"She loves me, shut up. She can probably smell the you on me, that's why she won't hang out with you. Feed her some treats and she won't scratch you up, though." His heart rate is finally settling after the heart attack Asano gave him before. 

"Can I ask why I can't pick up the phone for your parents?" Asano's being weirdly cordial, which is how he usually talks to everyone but a class E-er. Karma will indulge him since he didn't screw everything up.

"Yeah, no biggie. I just don't like talking to them, and if you were too nice to them then they'd be weird later. Blowing them off for a few days is no big deal. They've done it to me too."

He doesn't mention the fact that they only call to ask if he's taken his medicine, and that they have to set reminders to do even that. His relationship with his parents is none of his business, besides for the bare minimum necessary to get them through this.

"Huh." Then, "Your house is rather empty. Do you have any housekeepers come over?"

Karma snorts. "We don't all have servants to clean, your highness. When it gets dirty, I clean it myself. That was the deal to get my parents to stop hiring me a babysitter. If it's too lonely for you, though, there's a nice body pillow-"

"I'm good, thank you."

Neither of them really know what to say. Leisure calls aren't something they do, well, ever. 

"This has been amazing, but I have to go," Karma says, staring up at the sky. "Textbooks to read, mindless boredom to experience. Do you do _anything_ unrelated to school? Ever?"

"No comment. You have a weird taste in comics."

"Don't even try, you know nothing about comics. If anyone should be judging, it should be me, since I have to sleep in the archives you call your bedroom."

"I'm hanging up already. Try not to fail at this like you do most things?"

"Try not to be a complete drag and make everyone hate you as me, like you usually do?"

"Touche." He hangs up before Karma can get the last word - what a bastard - and Karma climbs back inside. He's feeling more grounded now, and the fresh air left the room smelling less like cleaning spray.

"Koro-sensei, if you can hear me, I'm sorry for whatever I did to spite you. I didn't mean it. Well, I probably did mean it, but if I knew the consequences I would've been more careful. Please bring me back to my body so I don't hang myself with Asano's belt and screw us both."

He doesn't feel like praying to any god to switch him back, so he might as well ask the bastard who did this to him in the first place. He wasn't expecting a response - it would be double weird if Koro-sensei was actually within earshot - and he doesn't receive one.

"Whatever. Bedtime for me, then." He's positive Asano goes to sleep at 10 on the dot every night like a good little boy. Karma usually drifts off at around 2, but since there's nothing to occupy himself with, he'll be a good little boy and tuck himself in early. On the off chance this is a really, _really_ weird dream, he might as well get a decent night of sleep out of it.

Asano, to no surprise at all, only has silk pajamas to sleep in. Karma would rather be mauled by a bear than sleep in those, so he strips to a plain white t shirt and boxers and calls it a night. 

_The fun's just beginning,_ he thinks, tossing and turning without his weighted blanket. He considers calling Asano back, just to ask if he has any sleeping pills, but thinks better of it. An Asano would never stoop so low as to ask for a prescription. He probably listens to whale noises or something weird like that.

Instead, he clutches one of Asano's four - four! - pillows to his chest, tries not to breathe in the scent of unfamiliar laundry detergent, and squeezes his eyes shut.

_Two more days, then it's a one way ticket back to Karma-ville. The sooner Principal Asano isn't daddy dearest anymore, the better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 2 am. party all night here and by party i mean write this
> 
> Ill proofread in the morning. Eyes hurt


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a while I tried to think about whether Karma's ADHD - or just some parts of it - would carry over to Asano, since he's in his body and all, but that all made my brain hurt so let's just say where Karma goes, his ADHD follows.

Gakushuu lies awake for a while, staring at Karma's ceiling. Karma doesn't have a decent pair of pajamas, of course, so he's in a random t shirt and sweat pants he found after ten minutes of hunting through his dresser. He'd usually never be caught dead in anything so casual, but he doesn't have much of a choice now, does he.

Besides, it's not like there's anyone around to see him.

There's the cat, of course, probably scratching up some furniture in a different room. She only acknowledged him twice, once when he first came in and once when he fed her. Gakushuu could see the deep slashes on the armchairs, the walls, the curtains, and anything hanging within cat's reach. He never truly wanted a pet, but he understands his father's disgust with them more than ever. He thinks about what his father's reaction would be if he saw his favorite chair with claw marks on it and winces.

Speaking of his father, he wonders how Karma handled him. Knowing the redhead, probably poorly and rashly. Gakushuu will have to find some sort of weather phenomena or psychological condition to explain Karma's behavior once they switch back. His father doesn't trust Gakushuu's emotions, but hard facts speak for themselves.

He checks the clock beside him. Eleven, which is later than he'd usually be asleep, but he can't very well fall asleep in this unfamiliar bed that Karma worked his damnedest to make uncomfortable. Karma's weirdly heavy blanket is already folded and pushed to the side, and he uses a spare sheet as a substitute. Karma also has one of those weird memory foam pillows, which feels like laying on a particularly pliable rock. Not Gakushuu's taste, in other words.

He abandons the bed entirely, taking his sheet and phone and carrying them to the living room, where he makes a bed for himself on the couch. The cushions are more comfortable than Karma's bed anyhow, and it's easier for him to relax away from everything that reminds him of Karma.

It's easier to forget about the phone call that way.

Gakushuu isn't proud of it, but he told a small lie to Karma when he called. A small white lie, to be exact. Barely a lie at all. And isn't lying to a compulsive liar just dishing back what they serve? Hell, he's sure Karma did many questionable things without asking permission first. It's definitely for the best that he didn't tell Karma about speaking to his mother.

* * *

He had hesitated before swiping to turn on the phone. Karma never mentioned his parents at all, and Nagisa did say something about a parent situation. _If they're anything like their son, maybe they're in prison, or yakuza members. It might not be his mother at all. "Mother" might be the contact name for the tall blonde girl or something. I wouldn't put it past Karma to have weird nicknames for all of his friends._

The phone continued ringing, and he decided it would cause less trouble to pick up. 

"Hello?" he asked, holding it to his ear. 

"Karma, thanks for picking up," a woman on the other end said dryly, and Gakushuu decided it really is his mother. The biting sarcasm can't be anything but genetic. "You know why I'm calling, of course. Just a routine checkup so they don't mark me for negligence."

 _I don't think that's what constitutes "not negligence,"_ Gakushuu had thought, but didn't say it aloud. Obviously Karma and his mother have some sort of arrangement already in place, and who was he to interfere with that?

"Everything is alright here, mother," he said. "I went to school today and everything."

"I'll believe it when I see it," she replied smoothly. "But it doesn't matter. Did you take your medication?"

 _Medication? Do I need to take that? What if Karma will get sick or die if I don't take it?_ Gakushuu doesn't like the boy but he doesn't want to kill him. Plus, knowing Karma, he'll just come back as a particularly annoying ghost and haunt him forever.

"Not yet," he had replied honestly, rushing over to the bathroom to find this mystery medication. It was on the top shelf, a half empty orange prescription bottle. _Ritalin. 40 milligrams. Daily. Doesn't look like cancer medication, and now that I think about it, if it was really urgent he would have told me in advance on his weird list._

"Get it done, darling," she said, tone more serious. "If you have some kind of run in while me and your father are out of the country, we will hire someone to watch you. You know the next step down from E class is being expelled, and while your horrible attendance record can be excused, hurting other people cannot." Then came a minute long pause, where Gakushuu tried to make out her words but only heard hums. Evidently, she didn't want him to hear whatever was being said.

He took the time he had to search up Ritalin, clicking on the first article. He shouldn't have been surprised that it was an ADHD medicine, although the way Mrs. Akabane was talking about it, you'd think it was the mood stabilizer equivalent of a horse tranquilizer. 

She returned to the phone, and he can hear her hand move away from the receiver. "Sorry, doll, that was just your father. He sends his best, as always." _If he really wants to send his best, he should come to the phone and tell me himself._ "Anyway, take your medicine tomorrow morning with a drink after eating something. Love you."

"Love you too," Gakushuu replied blankly, and she hung up the phone. Nothing about when the two of them would be back. Nothing about schoolwork or whether the house was still in one piece, or if the cat was still alive or if there was any food in the fridge. Not even a "how are you?"

* * *

The whole call lasted less than five minutes, including the minute long break. Besides for make Gakushuu wonder how people like Karma's parents could ever have kids, it didn't seem that significant. When he called Karma, he fully intended on telling him that his mom called.

But then he heard a crash on the other line, followed by Karma's voice in a state of what could only be described as loosely contained panic. Karma likes to think of himself as the slickest person on the planet, untouchable by anything, but he's absolutely terrible at masking his own emotions. Gakushuu couldn't very well go and tell him the whole story when Karma himself said "Tell me you didn't pick up."

_It was just a white lie. Nobody's hurt by it._

Gakushuu still can't decide which is worse, having his dad always over his shoulder, or not having anyone around at all. His own house is usually quiet, but he can at least hear the bustling of the maids or his parents walking around. Karma's comfortably sized house is quiet enough that he can hear the cat scratching something all the way upstairs. 

Not that he can't see the perks of having free range over his life. Karma has probably not given a single shit about anything in his life, possible ever. He gets a jump start on independence, like a choose your own adventure game except he really gets to make all of the decisions. 

Gakushuu was never given many choices. He's excellent, not to be a show pony for his father - when guests do come around, his father does all of the talking - but because his father wouldn't be a parent to anything less. He was given a legally binding contract for his life, written in permanent black ink, and he signed at the bottom the moment he was born. Sometimes he'll get a question from a classmate or a teacher and he'll _know,_ somehow, for some reason, it's really his father asking from his high castle. 

What can he do? He answers anyway, like the good class president he is.

Still, the silence is grating on him. He turns on Karma's phone, scrolling through his plethora of apps to find something to fill the silence. Karma's taste in music is, at the very best, not something he wants to listen to right before bed, but he does have an app for white noise, so all the better. He puts it on full volume, curls up on his couch, and tries to get some sleep. 

Waking up in the morning is a thousand times better today than it was yesterday. His back hurts from the couch, and Karma's phone is dead from being on all night - a valid error - but at least he knows where he stands. Who he is, at the moment.

He feeds the cat and is rewarded by a full three seconds of attention before she slinks off into the shadows again. _I'll never understand cat owners._ A closer look in the fridge reveals leftovers of some kind of pasta salad, and he takes it to school along with a waterbottle for lunch. The only beverages Karma seems to have are strawberry milk and water, and Asano doesn't have a taste for sweets.

He even remembers to wear the black blazer, which has an assortment of weapons and torture devices in the pockets. _So very Karma._ He's worried about being questioned for it, or possibly being detained, but then he remembers who he is. If there's anyone who knows Karma, they probably expect all of the violent bits and everything.

When he gets to school, he's surprised to find Nagisa there, but no Karma in sight. 

"He already went to class," he explains. "He decided he wants to settle things before the bell rings."

Gakushuu gets an absolutely horrendous pit in his stomach thinking about what Karma could possibly have to settle, but nods anyway. "And you're waiting for..."

"You, obviously. I want to explain more about our class while we walk up the mountain. Give you a little run through of everyone." Gakushuu can see the faint bit of annoyance, the twinge of dislike on his soft features. He knows class E has strong feelings of hatred towards him, so he supposes he should be grateful that Nagisa wants to help him at all.

It feels weird though, being looked at as an inconvenience, someone who has to be babysat or shown the ropes. _Not my fault I was thrown head first into an assassin class full of people I don't like,_ he wants to say, but that probably wouldn't make Nagisa any happier. So he follows him up the mountain mutely, taking in the information being handed to him.

"Here are important people to know," Nagisa starts. "Me, obviously, but you don't have to be careful around me since I know the truth. Me and Karma are dating, so if you're going to insult anyone, try not to make it me." Gakushuu winces a little, remembering what he said the day before. _That could also be why he looks ready to take my head off._

"Nakamura is the blonde girl you ate with yesterday," he continues. "You guys are friends, but you also make fun of each other a lot. No real insults, but don't hold back if she does something you think is stupid. She'll return the favor to you.

"Kayano had green pigtails. She's my friend more than yours, but you're friendly with her and she's a sweetheart. No insulting her either."

"Karma already told me who I can insult," Gakushuu interrupts. "Just someone who 'has it coming,' whatever I interpret that to be."

"You don't have to interpret anything. I'll explain it," Nagisa says with boundless patience, though his expression says otherwise. "Now on to who you _are_ allowed to bully..."

He goes through everyone in the class, including the giant monitor who Gakushuu had been too overwhelmed to take much note on. The good people, the bad people, and the ones in between. Everyone who he can talk to without it being a scene. When he's done with the students, he moves on to the teachers. Main grumpy guy, the weirdly provocative blonde woman, and of course, the octopus.

"I would warn you about surprise attacks from A class, but you probably already know about those," Nagisa says, smiling sweetly. "You know, since you're the one usually orchestrating it."

"Class A and class E have a perfectly healthy rivalry-" he starts, but is cut off by a knife to his throat. It's green rubber, just anti-octopus material, but it still makes him freeze instinctively.

"There's nothing perfectly healthy about making a group of kids take classes all the way up a mountain so they'll be out of sight all the time," Nagisa says, eyes flashing. "Nothing perfectly healthy about neglecting the most at need kids and directing the resources they need most away from them, all so you can focus the boundless money Kunugigaoka gets towards the other classes. You can't start a rivalry with someone who's at a clear disadvantage in any scenario. That's not a rivalry, that's bullying. And I know my fair share of bullying."

Gakushuu blinks, and Nagisa returns to his normal smiling demeanor. "But you don't have to worry about any of that because you're Karma for today and tomorrow. You just have to focus on being as convincing as possible."

They reach the top of the mountain, where most of the kids are already lounging around the yard and classroom. Gakushuu sits down in Karma's seat, staring blankly at the desk that's already carved up with various bits of graffiti. Judging by what it says, it's all Karma's doing.

**Long live the proletariat. I heart Kunugigaoka nepotism. It's all downhill from here.**

He even finds a fairly new carving targeting him, although it's nothing original. **Asano junior sux baseballs.** He wants to cross it out, but what's the point? Karma'll just see that he cared enough to put in the effort, and replace it with something even more obscene.

Koro-sensei greets him as he walks in, and he's immediately barraged by bullets and thrown knives galore. Gakushuu isn't entirely in the spirit to be using a firearm, but he takes a couple of shots just so he doesn't look suspicious. Koro-sensei dodges them all easily, then moves on to take attendance. When he calls Karma first, Gakushuu hesitates before responding.

"Here, sir."

"'Sir?'" Nakamura snorts, and he remembers in a flash that Karma hasn't a respectful bone in his body. _Manners will be put on hold until I'm back home. Can't go around acting civilized when he's supposed to be a caveman._

"Shut up," he says quietly, not having a proper comeback. Roll call continues, and he uses a marker to make his own little piece of graffiti at the corner of the desk. It's washable marker - he's no animal - but the desks in class E rarely get washed, so he figures he has a while for Karma to see it.

**If you're reading this, we survived, no thanks to you.**

Thinking about class E's decrepit state is making the pit in his stomach return. _They brought this on themselves. They're the ones who underperformed or acted up and got themselves put here. It's disciplinary action, nothing more. They made themselves the springboards to push the rest of us up._

"I'm glad to see you came into class today," Koro-sensei says when they start individual work. "I was worried you'd go the Karma route and not show up."

"What else is there to do?" Gakushuu asks. "At least here I can do my work."

No reply from Koro-sensei, but he gives Gakushuu a new packet of work when he finishes the old one.

They have gym again after, and Gakushuu tires himself out in the world's weirdest game of freeze tag, in which he's supposed to tag his teammates while also trying to stab them with fake knives and also try and kill Koro-sensei. He chooses a tree to rest in, almost falling out when Nagisa drops from the upper branches.

"You're doing well for someone with no training," he says, which isn't really a compliment but Gakushuu will take it.

"I play sports. I'm not completely out of shape."

"Yeah, well you're no assassin." He has no valid reply to that.

During lunch, he sits with Nagisa and his friends, Kayano and Sugino.

"You're weirdly quiet today," Sugino comments at some point, and Nagisa answers for him.

"He stayed up until three last night binging movies," he says, rolling his eyes fondly. "I keep telling him to sleep more, but he always says the same thing."

"Only if you're there in bed with me, babe," Sugino and Kayano say at the same time, cracking up at what's obviously a running joke. Gakushuu isn't sure how Karma would react, but decides to roll his eyes as well. _Who knew Akabane Karma was such a sap?_

Towards the end of class, Gakushuu's almost comfortable in his place. Besides for the occasional interaction with his classmates, he's content doing his work and blocking out the world. Whenever someone asks him something, Nagisa's usually there to run interference and make sure he doesn't mess up. It's like having autocorrect, but to change his language more improper instead of more precise.

 _I can make it through another day of this,_ he thinks, which is possibly the dumbest thought he's ever had. Nothing good ever follows a period of such peace, especially when it's acknowledged so openly.

And sure enough, the peace breaks five minutes later, with only ten minutes left of class.

"Students of class E, we come bearing a challenge!" he hears someone shout, and he turns in horror to find Karma and the other members of the big five approaching the school building.

"Oh god," someone says, and Gakushuu couldn't agree more.

_Oh god indeed. What the hell are you up to, Karma?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gakushuu really said go off i guess and nagisa really said ok i will


	5. Chapter 5

If Karma were to say he isn't going to enjoy tearing Asano a new one from his temporary rank as the school president, he would be lying. If he's being truly honest, he's probably going to enjoy himself more than he has in weeks. 

What's the point of being class president if he can't gather a coalition of his peers and spend a full school day on some wacky challenge _guaranteed_ to piss Asano off?

The idea came to him in the middle of history class, when he was mentally debating whether jumping out a window or staying for this lecture would be more painful. Sure, the window was made of glass and could shred him to pieces, but the teacher's voice was lethal in a "put him into an eternal sleep" kind of way. 

He was about to try his luck at another bathroom break when Crony 2 with the eyebrows tapped him on the shoulder. He didn't say a word, but slipped him a note under the desk. _Huh, so even the cronies can't stay focused during this. Fascinating._

**You went to class E yesterday, right? Are you planning something new to test them with?**

Karma was about to reply with a quick, "No, I'm pretty sure we've done enough shit to them, and also don't we have better things to do besides getting savaged by a class who already beats our asses every time?" but paused. He took another look at the teacher in the front, who was making his head swim with sheer _boredom,_ and started writing out a reply in what he hoped was Asano's perfect handwriting.

**Why yes I am, dear. Give me until lunch and I will fill you all in.**

Did he have any idea about what to do? Not really, but he's not the top of the school for nothing. If he couldn't think of a way to beat Asano while avoiding actual class and also having class E come out on top, then he didn't deserve the _#1 Smartass_ mug Nagisa got him for their anniversary.

He was halfway through the world's most brilliant plan when the obvious problem suddenly struck him: if he won, "Karma" lost.

_Alright, genius brain, you can balance this. Sure, beating Asano feels great, but if everyone thinks that Asano beat me, then it doesn't really matter. The whole class'll ridicule me for weeks. I'll have to make it look like I tried, but lost, so that it won't be suspicious. I'll never be able to look at Asano again, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my reputation._

He finished up his plans, using the backs of worksheets as scrap paper, then transferred it all to a new page in his notebook to look official. Asano would definitely not be caught dead with the crackhead scribbles Karma called his notes.

"What do you all think?" he asked his Harem of Cronies - which they really were, despite all of Asano's protests - at lunch.

"It's brilliant," Crony 4 said.

"One of your best," Crony 3 added. Karma would feel more flattered if he didn't realize immediately that they probably say the same thing to all of Asano's plans. _The flattery is real in these boys. Not that I really mind, but they're definitely not the best to ask for advice._

"Great." He put the paper in his bag, taking out Asano's lunch. More health food, probably prepared by one of the maids. He wrinkled his nose at the brown rice - which only rice snobs ate, in his opinion - but his stomach demanded _something_ of substance, so he forced it all down. _What I wouldn't do for a cup noodles and a strawberry milk._

He took his plan to Principal Asano next, all the way at the top. All of the resources and people he needed, the principal could provide with a single phone call. _That's only if he cooperates, though, and he's even worse at that than I am. Hopefully tempting him with the prospect of beating class E will get him to follow along._

"Father, I come with plans to beat the loser class," he called, knocking on his office door. When he didn't hear anything, he walked right in, papers waving in his hand. "Father?"

"You should be in class." His voice was cold, even while his eyes were light. Karma didn't ask why he didn't respond to the knock; Principal Asano just answered. "And referring to me as 'father' in school is unprofessional."

"I understand, sir, but-"

"You do realize that on average, you have missed more than half an hour of your classes over the past two days in bathroom breaks alone?" he continued, tapping his fingers lightly on his desk. "You cannot afford to be out for so long, much less for whatever foolishness you have planned against class 3-E this time."

A dozen red flags waved in Karma's face. _He knows how long I go to the bathroom. Somehow he already heard about the plan. I'm getting major Big Brother vibes here. Does he have cameras in the bathroom? On Asano's person at all times?_

But he didn't have the time to act surprised. "On the contrary, father, I think I can afford plenty. After all, I am top of the school in academics. And what you call foolishness, I think of as a way to stimulate a healthy sense of competition between the classes. Your hierarchical system is fragile. If the students at the top don't remain motivated, the whole tower could... topple." 

He put the papers neatly in a pile on Principal Asano's desk, turning to leave. "I made a bulleted list of everything I need for this event. It shall happen tomorrow after lunch, so I would appreciate everything being in place by noon the latest. I shall orchestrate the entire event, although you are free to come and observe as you wish."

"And what kind of authority, exactly, do you think you have over me?"

Karma didn't hesitate. "I know fully well what goes on in the 3-E classroom. Or rather, who's in charge. I have connections too, sir." He left without hearing any response, and that was perfectly fine with him. The longer he spent in Asano senior's presence, the more his skin crawled. 

At the beginning of his last class, he abruptly approached the teacher and requested that he and the rest of the harem be excused for "student council business." She agreed - as if she had the authority to deny Asano anything - and gave him a packet of work to be done for homework. Karma slipped it in his bag to give to Asano later, gathered the cronies, and headed out. On a whim, he turned at the last second to see her texting someone on her phone. He didn't need supersonic vision to guess who she was relaying information to.

_More dirt on me to Principal Asano. Or rather, more dirt on Asano. This is a comics-level hive mind of a school. No bathroom breaks tomorrow at all. If I have to wear a catheter or something, at least I won't feel like I'm being timed._

The rest of the Harem of Cronies weren't nearly as fit as him, or even him in Asano's body, so the walk up the mountain was laughably slow, even more so by the fact that they couldn't take any of his usual shortcuts. _If we had a midterm in climbing trees or navigating the forest, maybe class E would finally win something easily. Or general survival skills, I'm not picky._

A few minutes before he reached the top, he texted Asano a short warning that they were coming. He got no response, so he assumed it was all good. Either way, he now had written evidence that he wasn't _that much_ of an asshole. Asano would probably blow up anyway, but Karma's morals extended only so far.

"Students of class E, we come bearing a challenge!" he shouted, and that brings us back to the present. Asano's horrified face, the rest of the class's confusion, and Koro-sensei doing his equivalent of a raised eyebrow. He waits for them patiently as they file out of the classroom, meeting his group of five outside.

"Asano, good to see you again," Koro-sensei says in the voice he reserves for whenever Karma does something he can't understand. "What sort of challenge do you bring? I must say, you do seem to be bringing them more and more often."

"An obstacle course," he announces, feigning confidence even though he knows class E's athleticism and flexibility better than anyone. It was the one thing he could think of that they would trounce the other classes in easily. "Set for tomorrow, after lunch. It won't be long, don't worry, so you can return to your... learning." The pause before learning is intentional, to show what he really thinks of whatever they do in their classroom. Or rather, what _Asano_ thinks of it. His disdain is irritating, but surprisingly easy to replicate.

"Why's it always something active?" Takebayashi asks. "Isn't this school supposed to be more focused on intellectualism?" Karma wants to snap that just because he's the slowest in their class doesn't mean he can ruin their _one chance to win at something,_ but Maehara does it for him, elbowing him in the side and sparing his cover.

"Give us more details," Asano says, and he does a good job of masking his anger as annoyance. "We have a right to know what we are signing up for, right?"

"Of course," Karma replies. "It's a simple one around the gymnasium, although we will fit it with ropes and climbing gear and different challenges of the sort. The first class to have everyone pass the finish line wins."

"Wins what?" Itona asks from his spot on Terasaka's shoulders. Terasaka looks like he doesn't enjoy being treated like a pack animal, but somehow Itona always gets away with it anyway. _Maybe I can ask Nagisa if we can try that. What a way to show dominance. Iconic._

"I don't know, a voucher for free pizza at the place around the corner?" Karma doesn't want to agree to anything too big, especially when he's planning on losing. He can be gracious sometimes. He doesn't want Asano to have his ass handed to him by his dad once they switch back, _especially_ now that he knows how seriously creepy he is.

"How about a free voucher to stop challenging us to these?" Nagisa suggests, but he's looking at Asano. "Would that be alright?"

Karma waits for some sign of approval from the other boy, and gets a small nod, just for him. "Alright, that would be attainable. But if you lose, then you'll have to..." He didn't really plan this far ahead, only because he knows they won't win. He turns to his harem for guidance. "Any suggestions?"

"You'll each have to lick Gakushuu's boots," Crony 1 says smarmily. Karma snaps his fingers, grinning.

"Good suggestion... you," he says, failing to remember the crony's actual name. "You'll each have to lick my boots."

"You're even more of a sadist than Karma," Hazama says, and the irony is laughable. _As if he could outdo me at my own sadistic game._

Asano, surprisingly, answers for the class. "We'll do it, but only because we'll beat you easily."

"Ok. Let's shake on it, _Akabane,_ " Karma says, holding out a hand to Asano. He takes it, and they both squeeze as hard as they can without making it look like they're trying to break bones.

"I cannot believe you," Asano whispers, so only Karma can hear.

"You shouldn't underestimate me," Karma responds, smirking. "Also I did text you a warning."

"My- Your phone's dead."

"Not my problem, is it?"

After a few seconds of this game, Karma releases his hold on Asano's hand, making a grand gesture of wiping it on his pants.

"Ta ta, losers," he says. "I hope you're prepared to lick my shoes."

"And I'm sure you'll be trying your hardest, right Asano?" Karma falters in his step, looking over his shoulder at Asano. _Damn, he doesn't miss a thing, does he. I'm almost a little proud of that bastard. He always thinks the worst of me, and he should._

"Of course. As I always do," Karma replies with a wink, and he and the posse make their way down the mountain.

"You seem awfully confident," Crony 4 says. "Are there going to be any tricks tomorrow?"

"No tricks," Karma says easily. "We don't need them." _I win either way, after all._

They arrive just in time for the last bell, and after exchanging a few parting words, Karma's left alone to face the beast. Mostly for his own mental health, and a little bit out of pity for Asano, he decides he won't say a word the entire drive. The best option for everyone, considering he has a whole "you and everything you stand for suck" spiel on the tip of his tongue.

Principal Asano catches onto this almost immediately. 

"The silent treatment is a bit juvenile, wouldn't you agree?" he says patronizingly. "If you are angry at me for whatever reason, wouldn't it be better to settle it outright?"

_Sure, sir. I have a problem with the fact that you're spying on me and that you belittle whatever I do. You say it's unprofessional to call you father while you're in school, but you treat me like your son in that you hold me to a higher standard than everyone else, so the scales are tipped. Also the fact that my given name is so similar to yours is really starting to piss me off._

Karma's officially adopted Asano's anger as his own, and whatever anger he has left at the boy, he wants to channel at his father. But that wouldn't do either of them good. So instead, he bites his tongue harder, fiddles with the end of his blazer, and remains silent.

He doesn't know the last time he went so long without talking; even at home, he's either on the phone or talking to Raptor (in a totally sane, pet-owner way). Words are clogging up his throat, begging to be released. He's always been a loudmouth, but his medication made it easier to control his outbursts and impulses. At the moment, the only thing keeping him from acting is his fingernail digging into his palm.

Somehow they make it to the Asano residence without any incidents, and Karma practically runs to Asano's room, Asano grace forgotten. He opens the window all the way, but doesn't dare climb out. Instead, he locks himself inside of the bathroom, climbs into his trusty bathtub, and calls Nagisa. He knows he'll be summoned for dinner soon, but he needs this.

"I don't know if you're an idiot or a genius," Nagisa says as soon as he picks up. "Knowing you, probably both."

"That's one way to describe me," Karma says, clicking his tongue. He feels better already, like the hands gripping his chest loosened their grip. "How'd the class react after I left?"

"They were... confused," Nagisa says, which is a nicer way of saying they all went apeshit. "Do I want to know why you decided to plan a relay race for tomorrow?"

"I was _so bored_ ," he groans, banging his head on the faucet by mistake and wincing. "Plus, we're great at relay races. I figured we whoop their asses, and that brings a little bit of class morale. Gotta abuse this power somehow, right?"

"You have such big brain energy. You'll make a great bureaucrat one day." Karma's glowing in his praise. Nagisa's the only one whose compliments he feels he can take. Everyone else's feel forced. "Of course, that's only if you live that long. I think Asano was steaming from the ears. You know the face you make when you're ready to slap someone but you feel like you're above slapping them so you just stew in it? He was making that face."

"My patented Asano face? I better do some damage control tomorrow." He hears someone calling for him, and considers climbing out the window and running away. His fight or flight reflexes, almost always set to _fight,_ have made a sudden nonviolent reappearance. "Ugh, I have Asano family dinner tonight. Second to last one, praise the lord. I'll call you after? I really wanna hear about everything I'm missing."

"You got it, Karma. Don't do anything rash, alright? I miss you already." Nagisa usually keeps the sap to a minimum, and Karma can imagine his face going entirely red at the statement, which only makes him smile more.

"You own my heart as always, love," he says, and hangs up before he can lock the bathroom door and choose to stay there forever. He climbs out, opening the door only to find the same maid from yesterday standing there. Judging by her face, she was there for more than a second.

"I-" he starts, but she shushes him.

"I don't say a word," she says simply, and he grins, putting his phone in his pocket. "Dinner is downstairs, waiting for you."

"Thank you." He takes a deep breath, wills his pulse to calm down, and heads down the stairs.

Dinner, again, is a silent affair, but he can feel Principal Asano's eyes on him the entire time. He looks to Asano's mom for assistance, but her eyes are trained on her bowl. _So he wants a staring contest. A bit tasteless, but all of the Asanos are, really._ He meets his eyes, smiles, and continues eating.

Back in his room, now on the roof, he calls Nagisa back, and they finally have time to catch up properly. He wants to know all about what class A is like, and Karma waxes on and on about how awfully boring it is. Nagisa in turn provides the class E gossip, and even though Karma really only cares about five of his classmates at most, he likes hearing Nagisa talk. He's his rock, in all it's sappiness and cliche-ness. 

He gets a call from Asano at one point, and he debates between picking it up or not. But oops, his finger slips and declines the call, so he's forced to continue listening to his boyfriend who he loves instead of trying to figure out what the hell Asano wants this time. Tragic, really. 

The adult Asano also doesn't bother him for the night, which is bad parenting but great for Karma. He'd hate to have to battle with the guy in his own house, especially with Asano's mom right there. He still has no clue what their relationship is, but he doesn't want to make things awkward for himself. 

At around 11, he realizes that Nagisa's falling asleep on his end. While he'd love to keep talking all night, he knows that not everyone is an insomniac like him. 

"Go to bed, sweets, I don't wanna keep you up," he says, stretching his arms out one at a time. "I'll see you at the relay race tomorrow, right?"

"Oh god, how'd'you make me forget about that?" Nagisa says sleepily. "Why'd you do that again?"

"The sun will shine on class E again, babe," he says simply. "Good night, nightlight of my soul and the only person who truly gets me."

"G'night, Karma. Love you. Sleep well."

"I always try." He hangs up the phone, then lays back down on the roof and stares at the sky. There aren't many stars, what with light pollution and all, but he catches a couple of them holding out. He has a vague memory of looking at the stars with his parents. Many years ago, before they decided parenting wasn't for them. They bought him one of those "name a star" things, like any person could control something so bright. Karma named his after himself, of course, because even as a kid he was still just as self-indulgent.

_That's me up there. Bright and awe-inspiring and just out of reach. And tomorrow night, Koro-sensei willing, I'll be back to my place._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the old ADHD "everything is building up really fast and adrenaline hits like a truck for no reason and bees are crawling under your skin" feeling


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be the second to last chapter! I have it basically planned out in my head. Next one should be epilogue-ish.
> 
> Sad Gakushuu hours ahead, folks.

Gakushuu has a hard time sleeping that night, and it's not only because of Karma's completely uncomfortable bed.

_This is the last night I'll spend here. I'll be back home tomorrow._

Back to the good things: his class, his friends, his house, his _bed._ His status as the president, his influence, his power. Not having to make his own food anymore. He even misses his mom a little, although she rarely speaks. Her presence was never unpleasant, anyway.

But also back to the less good things: the expectations, the workload, the pressure. The billion eyes always watching him wherever he goes. _His father._

_You've dealt with all of this for your entire life. It'll be easing back into familiarity._ But all he can hear is the dramatic music leading up to a shark attack. He knows it's coming, and he isn't particularly thrilled about it.

He's listless the next morning, unable to eat anything besides for a small bowl of oatmeal. _Not that I'll really need the energy, since I'm planning on throwing the race._

It's not like him, to purposefully lose at something just to get ahead. Usually he puts his all into it, and if he loses, that's when he starts manipulating. But he knows Karma better than he ever wanted to, and he knows that he's planning on throwing it too. It's just the sort of backhanded thing he'd try, the climax of their whole experience. Gakushuu won't give him the satisfaction, _especially_ since he's the reason the race is happening in the first place. 

He begins his walk to school, likely the last time he'll ever do so, and for once utilizes Karma's headphones. His depressing grunge music mixed with loud and angry punk music sounds perfect right about now.

Both Nagisa and Karma are waiting for him at the gate today. 

"Ready to lose, Asano?" Karma asks, cracking his knuckles.

"Right, like you're going to beat me," Gakushuu replies with a bite in his voice. "Because if there's one thing Akabane Karma is known for, it's playing fair, even if it will cause him to lose in the end. Karma the honorable. Karma the noble. Always so tastefully-"

"Someone's grouchy," he says in an undertone, and Gakushuu suppresses the urge to punch him in the arm. His own violent impulses surprise him. _Maybe pretending to be Karma is taking a bigger toll on me than I thought._ "Are you upset because we have to switch back tomorrow? You're not _that_ much uglier than me, don't worry."

His comment hits a little too close to the truth, and Gakushuu winces. Karma catches it, because he has eyes like a hawk that can spot weakness from a mile away, and looks like he wants to say something more, but Gakushuu isn't going to give him the chance. _I'm not painting myself as an object of pity today. I don't need sympathy from a snake. I don't want it._

"Good luck to you, Karma," he says, and turns to Nagisa. "Should we head to the school building now? Because of the challenge-" he gives Karma another disdainful look, "-I doubt we'll be doing much work today."

"Sure," Nagisa says, and waves to Karma as they both walk off. Gakushuu doesn't turn around to see Karma's expression, because he doesn't care. His phone buzzes, and he pointedly doesn't check it. 

"Are you happy to be switching back?" Nagisa asks, and Gakushuu narrows his eyes at him. _What does he know?_ He doesn't respond, and the other boy continues. "Karma is. He says being you is like being waterboarded every day, but instead of water it's boredom."

"So glad to hear that," Gakushuu says through gritted teeth. "I'm sure mundane things like schoolwork and responsibilities are positively tedious to him, since he never has any of them."

"He feels bad for you. In his own weird, backwards way."

"He shouldn't. I have parents. I have people in my house. I have goals. He has nothing." He knows, somewhere deep in his mind, that he shouldn't be taking his anger out on Nagisa, but he's so frustrated he can hardly think before he speaks. "He's the pitiful one."

"Okay." 

Nagisa doesn't try to make conversation again after that, which is fine and dandy with Gakushuu, because they're supposed to be enemies anyway. Nothing good can come from peace between class A and class E.

As soon as he reaches the classroom, a crowd gathers around him.

"Karma, what's our strategy for today?" one of the boys asks, the one with bangs over his eyes. 

"What do you think they'll try to pull this time?" a girl with short purple hair adds. "They always have some sort of trick up their sleeves."

"I don't want to lick Asano's boot," a boy with a shaved head complains. "He'll probably post it so the whole school can see and laugh at us. We'll be bigger outcasts than before."

"It doesn't matter what they think of us," a tall boy butts in. "No matter what we do, win or lose, they think of us the same way, and we shouldn't give a shit."

"I agree," a boy with a bandanna says. "Besides, we've beaten them like three times now at their own game. Let's just do what we always do, use our assassination skills, and kick their asses."

Everyone nods, then they all turn back to Gakushuu. Even Nagisa's looking at him, waiting to see what he'll say. _I always thought that Isogai was the leader of their class, but I guess for revenge plots Karma heads all of them. If it were me addressing my class, I'd give a good pep talk, but Karma probably considers himself too high and mighty for them._

"Sure," he finally says with a shrug. "We'll kick their asses."

Koro-sensei walks into the room, and after the obligatory assassination attempt, they spend the morning preparing for the competition. Koro-sensei gives them individual running tips, and he's already dressed in a hat and t-shirt that both say "Class E's #1 Fan." If there's one thing Gakushuu will miss about physically being in class E, it's having him as a teacher. _It'll be rather depressing when these amateurs actually kill him._

He eats lunch with Nagisa and his friends one last time, and he doesn't hate it. Probably feeling the nostalgia already before he even leaves. Or maybe it's the thought that this is the last time he'll _have_ to eat with them, ever. Whatever it is, he gets down his lunch, and he's feeling alright. Bitter and gloomy, but alright.

The relay race will be held in the field. For once, Gakushuu wasn't the one who had to help set it up, so he heads down with the rest of class E and tries to act excited or nervous or whatever everyone else is feeling. _What would Karma be feeling right now? Definitely confident. Am I feeling confident?_

Class A is waiting for them, since this is right by their building. A crowd of spectators is also sitting in hastily set up bleachers. 

"Crush 'em, class A!" a girl he doesn't recognize shouts. 

"Kill them!"

"Put them in their places!"

"Show them how it's done!"

He's surprised at the audience's enthusiasm towards class A, given their track record this year, but he supposes that years of conditioning them all to think that class E is the worst of the worst can't be undone in one year. He should feel happy about this, but the positive emotion is muted. It's hard to feel happy about anything when you have a crowd booing you, even if they're not shouting at _you_ in particular. He's never been hated before (well, not by anyone who matters). It's... upsetting.

He spots Karma across the field, already in his gym clothes and talking to Sakakibara. It's been a while since he's talked to his friends. He wonders if they noticed anything amiss. 

In the meantime, he takes in the obstacle course. It's huge, spanning a football field's length, and stuffed with various obstacles. Karma really did his homework with this, which is hilarious because Karma has definitely never done a single piece of homework in his life. It's fitting that the one time he puts effort into something, it would be to oppose and annoy him.

"Attention Kunugigaoka high school," he hears his father say, and he turns to find him by a podium. _Usually he doesn't come to my competitions unless he thinks that they will go wrong. Karma must've said something._ "Let's make this quick and efficient, shall we? The first class with all of its students across the finish line wins the match. And I expect everyone to play completely fair." He looks right at Gakushuu. _No, he's looking at_ Karma. _Karma's the one who always messes with things._

"How funny, the principal telling _us_ to play fair," Nakamura whispers to him, and he swallows and nods. Sure, E class was always at a disadvantage, but that was only because the purpose of the competition was to keep them in their place. _It doesn't sound right, but it is the correct way to go. Karma understands, even if he dislikes it, but I doubt anyone else in the class does._

They all line up at the starting line, and he ends up shoulder to shoulder with Karma.

"Let's finish this, alright?" he murmurs, and Gakushuu smiles mirthlessly, like he always does when dealing with Karma.

"Gladly."

The referee - Karma put more effort into this than Gakushuu would've thought possible for him - raises his whistle to his lips and blows. "Go!"

Everyone around him takes off, and he starts in a half-hearted jog before he realizes Karma isn't even moving.

"I'm aware that you're trying to blow this, but you should at least attempt to look like you're trying," he hisses, stopping as well. "Do you really want to draw attention to both of us like this?"

"No need to get your panties in a twist," Karma says, and starts _meandering_ across the field. "I was just checking to see that both of my shoes were tied. And lo and behold, they were both untied! What a freak coincidence, right? And awful timing. I should tie them now."

"I'll wait with you," Gakushuu says through gritted teeth. He _knows_ Karma's doing this on purpose, and he's helpless to do anything about it. What can he do, drag him along for the whole course?

He blocks out the shouts from both "his" classmates and the audience. He can see his father staring at them both, and he gives him what he hopes is a proper Karma stare. His own glare is much less aloof; as irritating as it is to admit, Karma has better control over his anger than he does. While Karma's anger runs cold and calculating, Gakushuu can't help but burn up.

"Done!" Karma chirps, and starts walking again, if you can call it that. He's barely moving as it is. "No need to wait with me, you don't have to be all moral. After all, Akabane, you're rarely moral as it is."

So this is part of the show. "Don't be silly, Asano," Gakushuu replies in a lilting tone. "I want to beat you by one inch, so I can look you in the eyes while you lose. It would be unsatisfying to beat you so thoroughly. More entertaining this way, right?"

Karma cocks his head to the side, and his grin grows. "You really got a hang of being me, haven't you?" he says, too low for the audience to catch. "Gotta say, I'm a little bit impressed."

"Save your impressed for when we're back," Gakushuu mutters, and starts walking a little faster. He can't even see the next person in front of him; everyone else must've crossed the first obstacle already. A second later, Karma reappears at his side, matching his pace.

"I noticed this morning you got all butthurt about the topic of switching back," he says casually. "Feeling any better?"

Gakushuu stiffens just a little, but he knows Karma catches it. "Much. Now that I remember how inferior your class is, all negative feelings about rejoining my own class have vanished."

"My class is currently whooping your class's ass, so I wouldn't talk so soon."

"How would you know? We can barely see anything."

Karma points to the side, where a goddamned video screen has been set up at the front. He can see the first few people in line, and sure enough, they're all from class E. "Exhibits A, B, and C."

"Clever. You're really starting to think like a school president. Maybe you should start organizing these events. It would save me some trouble."

"After we beat you, you're never allowed to challenge us to one of these again, remember?" Karma says. "That's our prize."

"Right," Gakushuu says with a grimace. "I'm almost inclined to let class E win, just so that I won't have to have you lick my boots. They're leather, you know. Saliva would damage the outside, and E class saliva is probably acidic with defeat."

They reach the first obstacle, a rock climbing wall. Gakushuu climbs slowly, and he can see Karma matching his pace beside him. They scale down the other side and continue their ambling.

"Question," Karma says. "Are your clothes bugged?"

"I don't think so. Why, did you do something to them?"

"No, but your dad seems to know how often you go to the bathroom and it's high-key creepy. I look forward to not sharing a house with him anymore when we switch back."

Gakushuu closes his eyes for a second, breathing deeply and methodically. "He's observant, but it's nothing intolerable. If I remain on top behavior, he eases up on his... oversight." He remembers what Nagisa told him before. _He feels bad for you. In his own weird, backwards way._

"Still super creepy," Karma says, and Gakushuu can't help but respond.

"I would prefer parents who hover than parents who aren't there at all," he says coolly. Karma blinks, raising his eyebrows skeptically. Other than that, he looks unfazed by the comment.

"I like having free reign," he says. "My life is a hell of a lot easier than yours."

"Sure, but do you not miss having parents around for more than just reminding you to take your medicine?" He clamps his jaw shut a second later, realizing he said too much, but it's too late. Karma stops in his tracks, staring at him accusingly.

"You answered the call," he says slowly, and it's like a mask came off, revealing actual human emotions instead of cool detachment. He looks surprised, put-off, even a little betrayed. "For all of your moral high ground talk, you're a stinking liar like me. Did you enjoy having something over me for a minute? Was it satisfying enough for you to forget your own pathetic life?"

The longer he talks, the harder his voice gets, until it's positively steely. "Look at you, the little prodigy son who can't do wrong, trying to get one over the neglected delinquent because you _know_ I'm happier than you. I don't give a shit that you found out, but the fact that you tried to hide it like it was some sort of big psychological revelation that could potentially ruin me? That pisses me off."

_Seems like you give quite a bit of a shit,_ Gakushuu doesn't say. They take a pause to go through the next obstacle, a long set of monkey bars that he doesn't bother taking his time on. Already half of the students completed the course. If he wanted to catch up at this point, he could not. 

They land on the other side, and when he catches his breath, he starts talking.

"I wasn't hiding it because I want to have blackmail material over you," he says, suddenly the calm and rational one in the situation. "I use everything I have to my advantage, but I draw the line at parent issues _because_ my father is so... shitty." He looks around, like his father could be listening in, but it's only him and Karma around. Everyone else is too far away. "Picking up the phone wasn't some ploy to take you down."

"So why did you hide it in the first place?" Karma's voice is collected again, but his eyes remain suspicious.

"Because it was awkward to bring up? You sounded very put-off at the thought of me having spoken to your mother, and I did not feel like dealing with that. It was only a white lie."

"Did you speak to my dad?"

"No, not directly. Your mother sent his regards."

"He was probably right there in the room with her."

"Yes, he was."

They fall into silence as they hop the hurdles, then climb through a hanging tire.

"We really picked the lucky numbers in the shitty parents lottery, huh," Karma finally says, sounding amused. It is most likely a cover; he uses humor to deflect his emotions. _It's upsetting how well I know Karma as a person, even though we're so different._

"I suppose so," Gakushuu replies. "Polar opposites, but neither very good."

"I mean, I still like my situation a lot better than yours. It felt like there were eyes on me at all times. Majorly off-putting."

"You grow accustomed to it." They walk across a beam spread between two pieces of wood. "I would not be able to put up with the loneliness from living in your house long term."

"Ah, it's not too bad. I have Reaper, and Nagisa comes over when his mom-" Karma stops speaking abruptly, and Gakushuu can read a situation pretty well.

"You don't have to tell me about his home situation. I don't particularly care, either."

"Now there's the Asano charm I know and love."

The finish line draws closer, and they can see both of their classes yelling at them.

"What the actual fuck, Karma?" the tall boy yells at him, and he can see his friends staring at Karma like he's a completely different person. _They would not be that surprised to find out he is one._

"You know, I could just stop walking right now," Karma says, slowing his pace. "Then we'd be at a stalemate."

"As wonderful as that prospect sounds, I think we should cross the finish line together." He swallows, the next part bitter in his mouth. "And I will... refrain from sending challenges to your class. For the remainder of the year."

Karma's eyebrows lift so far, they're covered by his bangs entirely. "Really? All this time it was that simple? All we needed to do to mend the bridge between our classes was one heart to heart. Whodathunk."

"That isn't to say that we will suddenly become buddies," Gakushuu says, narrowing his eyes. "You're still supremely irritating, and so is the rest of your class. I merely mean that there will be no more formal challenges."

"Aw, what? Those are actually the highlights of my month. No better way to spend the day than pole toppling and beating your class."

"That was _once,_ and it will not happen again." He takes a deep breath, then puts on his best Asano smile. "In terms of how this could've gone, Karma, it was not too horrible. I can't say I would repeat the experience in a million years, but I do think we have a better understanding of each other."

"God, stop, I'm gonna throw up in my mouth," Karma says, but he's chuckling. "You're really using your politician voice on me?"

"I'm being honest, and if you want to be a bureaucrat, I'd suggest you acquire a similar 'politican voice'."

"Well, being you wasn't a total shitshow either, and you might, _might,_ not be as sadistic as I thought you were."

"I can't tell if that's a compliment or not, coming from you."

"I'll leave it to interpretation."

They approach the finish line, long trodden by over forty other pairs of feet. Just a few feet away, Karma pauses.

"This isn't only for your sake, but I'll make sure to make your dad's life even more of a living hell," he says under his breath, so only Gakushuu can hear. He smiles, shaking his head amusedly.

"Go right ahead. For once in my life, I support your actions."

They walk the last couple of steps at the finish line, and Gakushuu's about to cross when he sees Karma still. _Even now, he's still a backstabbing snake,_ he thinks mirthfully, and grabs his collar, dragging him across the finish line alongside him.

"You really don't trust me, do you?" Karma says with a smirk as their classmates swarm them.

"Not a bit," Gakushuu replies, and lets himself be overtaken by the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big showdown is done! No, they are still definitely not friends, but they are the closest they can be, which is saying something.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end, folks! Some people commented about the slap scene - which, after much searching, i found after the final examination episode - so I changed it up a bit and put it here. Enjoy!

It's hard for Karma to fall asleep with a throbbing cheek. It's been over a year since he's gotten into a fistfight, outside of assassination training, and three years since anyone's been able to land a solid punch on him, much less a backhanded slap. 

But he had been unprepared for the one that the principal landed on him as soon as he came back to the classroom after the challenge. He had always thought that the principal was the nonviolent sort of sadist, one of those people who thought the pen was mightier than the sword, and maybe that's true. However, Principal Asano has two hands, and when the pen is deemed ineffective, the sword is always a good backup plan.

What was it he had said to bring on the slap? It wasn't anything worse than usual. His class had been confused as to why he threw the race, and he had explained that it was a tactical move to throw "that damn Akabane" off his rhythm. Even so, they had been downtrodden over their poor performance. They knew that if the two leaders didn't tie, then class E would've won for sure.

"Guess E class isn't that bad after all," Karma had remarked, looking the principal right in the eye. "What do you have to say about that?"

The principal didn't say a word. His face flashed something ugly, something vulnerable, and the next thing Karma knew, he was sent sprawling to the ground. _I should've had my guard up._ But how could he have known that the principal would backhand him right in front of the whole class? Surely that's illegal, even in their messed up school community. Karma knew his fair share of bad teachers, but none of them had ever hit him.

Still, he wasn't going to just lay down and let the principal see him - see _Asano_ \- fallen like that.

"Finally showing your true colors now, huh," he said, pushing himself to a sitting position. Two lackeys ran over to help him stand, which is appreciated for once, because his vision was spinning just a little. _I must really be out of fighting shape if one slap can concuss me._ He felt something warm run from his nose, and his fingers came away red. 

The nurse patched him up well, although when he told her truthfully how he had gotten in that condition, she averted her eyes and didn't ask any more question. _It's scary how much power that abusive asshole has._

For the first time in three days, Karma walked home from school, not waiting up to get a ride from Daddy Dearest. His mother, Asano's mother, asked him what happened when he got home, but he brushed her off. _She probably knows what kind of a person her husband is, and if she doesn't, she's an idiot. I don't talk to idiots._ He let the nice housekeeper lady get him ice, and thanked her promptly.

"Anything else you need, Gakushuu?" she asked.

"I just need some time alone," he responded, and she left him to go to his room alone. He climbed into his trusty bathtub, not calling Nagisa just yet. For some sick, masochistic reason, his fingers typed in his mother's cell number, memorized long ago.

_What am I doing? Do I want to be emotionally slapped after being physically slapped? Get the satisfaction of being hurt by two different parents in the same day? What's wrong with me? Do I actually have a concussion?_

He pressed the call button, held the phone to his ear, and waited.

"Hello?" the woman on the other end asked, and he realized he didn't have any excuse for sounding like Asano. Hopefully the bloody nose would be enough of an excuse. That was, if she asked about his voice at all. Most likely she wouldn't tell the difference. 

"It's Karma," he said, because pleasantries tasted bitter to him now. "I'm calling from my friend's phone."

He can sense the tone change before he even hears it. "Karma? Why are you calling now, we just spoke yesterday. Did something happen?"

_Yes, something did happen. I got slapped in the face by my principal, not that you'll hear anything about it because he has everyone in the school under his control. Also I'm stuck in someone else's body and that's been shit, thanks for asking._

"No, I just wanted to call to say hi," he said, and wasn't that sad? In the moment he felt weak, weaker than he had in months, all he wanted to do was call Mommy who couldn't give two shits about him. Where was Terasaka now to call him a child? He didn't even want her pity, or whatever comfort she could give from hundreds of miles away. He wanted to call his mother and have someone else pick up the phone.

"That's... alright, Karma." She sounded bemused. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Can you put dad on the line?" _I'm so feeble. I'm a wet piece of lettuce, an insignificant grub. If I hang up the phone now, she can't-_

"I'm sorry, sweetie, he's off working. Do you want me to give him a message for you?" _Like a postman back in the nineteenth century. Never mind that I could text him, or call him on his own cell. Would he pick up if I did? Would he text back?_

"No," he decided, right there and then. "No message. Thanks for picking up."

"Anytime, Karma," she said, and he hung up before she could say such trite words like _I love you._ He settled back down in the bathtub, looked at Asano's stupid empty phone, and sighed. The ice to his face was more like ice water now, but his cheek was numb anyway. His entire being was numb, in fact.

* * *

So now he lays in Asano's bed for the last time - unless he and Nagisa ever lose their self respect enough to have a threesome with that ass, which would never happen - and stares up at the ceiling. It's still white and plain. 

He knows that the principal came home at some point, although he never made any effort to come to his room. That's probably for the best; it's been too long since Karma's had a valid excuse to punch another human being, and he's been off his meds for three days now. _Maybe he'll apologize tomorrow, to the real Asano._

Speaking of the real Asano, he should probably text that guy to let him know what happened. He'll be waking up with a hell of a sore face tomorrow, probably the beginnings of a black and blue mark. Knowing that ass, he'll wear it as a battle scar, but he at least deserves to know.

 **Me:** i got decked, so tomorrow you'll have been decked. cheers

Asano's reply comes seconds later.

 **class E delinquent:** What? By whom?

 _Bastard uses whom. Why am I not surprised?_ That makes him smile, which hurts the cheek, which makes him wince. A whole goshdarned chain reaction. If Koro-sensei were here, he would make some sort of diagram for it, then teach them about anatomy. _What am I saying? He'd probably kick the principal's ass, then teach the lesson._

The thought _almost_ puts a smile on his face, but he knows better now, and represses it. 

**Me:** your pops. maybe avoid him tomorrow, hes a little extra loco now

He expects a response something like "What did you do to him?" or "Thanks for leaving me with him like this." Instead, he gets something that makes his head hurt in a way almost unrelated to the injury.

 **class E delinquent:** I'm sorry he did that to you. If he would have known you weren't me, he would not have laid a hand on you. He shouldn't have disciplined someone who wasn't his son.

 **Me:** disciplined??? he slapped me into a wall. does he do that a lot?

 **class E delinquent:** Very rarely. He doesn't like it when his anger controls him, so it's only when I've upset him badly.

 **Me:** how could you possibly upset him badly

 **Me:** losing the spelling bee?

 **Me:** getting second place in the country in terms of grades?

 **class E delinquent:** I can be... rebellious at times. 

**Me:** stop making me laugh, my cheek kills

 **class E delinquent:** I'm serious! I have never concealed my dislike for my father, but when it turns to contempt, he lashes out at me.

 **Me:**...

 **Me:** he shouldnt. thats fucked up

 **class E delinquent:** I'm leaving to university next year. I'll never have to see him again.

 **Me:** youll have to see him eventually. for bills and stuff

 **class E delinquent:** Don't worry about me, Karma. I'll be alright.

 **Me:** idk whether to be more pissed youre talking like youre dying, or the fact that you think im worried about you

 **class E delinquent:** >:)

Karma almost throws his phone at this - he _dares_ text an evil smiley face in the middle of all of this? - but instead throws back his head and laughs, clutching the ice water bag to his cheek as he does. He feels useless, never felt so useless, but at the same time he feels _invigorated._ He and Asano are the brightest minds in the school, right? Surely they can think of some way to make the principal's life hell forever. Staying miserable never helped him before; it's when he has his humor out that things go his way.

* * *

He wakes up in the morning and almost immediately shuts his eyes. _If I'm not back in my own bed... if I'm still Asano..._ But he knows already that this isn't true. He can smell his own cologne in the room, feel his pillow - god bless memory foam - beneath his head. Akabane Karma is back, baby, and he't never felt more alive.

He runs to his mirror, laughing at his red bedhead greeting him. He's so relieved he could cry, but all he does is laugh. His cheek doesn't have a mark on it, and that makes him feel guilty for a second, but it's lost in the overwhelming feeling of comfort and home and relief. Even taking his meds feels familiar to him, and he swallows the pill dry.

He finds Raptor clawing up the couch, and he scoops her up in his arms, kissing her tiny little devil forehead a billion times. She yowls at him, but settles into his hold soon enough, and he thanks the high heavens that she's not in a scratching mood.

Even the thought of being back under his parents' parentage doesn't feel as bad anymore. He won't have to talk to his mom for at least a week, maybe more because of that call last night, and he can survive that. His parents won't slap him or argue with him. The distance, he can handle. He likes the distance. The alternative hurts more.

After he gets dressed into his normal school clothes - oh how he missed his blazer - he feeds her, then himself, then packs himself lunch. When he puts it in his bag, he finds a number of papers that weren't there before the swap. A quick examination reveals them to be extra assignments, and he _almost_ throws them away before deciding eh, fuck it, he'll give them to Asano when he gets to school. He grabs a number of other things for the boy too, on a whim.

He whistles all throughout the walk to school, stopping abruptly when he sees Nagisa waiting for him at the front gates. He dashes over, lifting the boy up in a hug and almost crushing the life out of him before putting him down.

"You're back?" Nagisa asks, and he kisses him instead of responding. _God, if I have to go another three days without doing that again, just kill me._ "I'll take that as a yes."

"You can take it as a fuck yes," Karma says, almost spinning around. "It is _damn_ good to be back. I can't wait to climb that stupid elitist mountain and get to class."

"Leaving so soon?" he hears a boy behind him say, and he actually spins around to face Asano. "I'm pretty sure you have my worksheets."

"Asano, I can't even retort back at you, I'm so happy to see your face not attached to me," Karma says, holding out his extra papers with a flourish. Besides for the bruise blooming on the other boy's face, he looks fine. Happy, even. _Probably just as happy as me to be back, just doesn't want to show it. Composure and all. Maybe I should work on that._

"Likewise," Asano says, rubbing his cheek subconsciously. "I'm not a cat person."

This sets Karma off laughing again - he might be a little giddy at this point - and he pulls out the rest of the contents of his bag.

"For you," he says, holding out the comics. The first comics in a few series he likes, ones that aren't too complicated or fictional to get. "Take these, read them, and get some taste. Then you can tell me if I have a horrible taste in comics."

"Awfully considerate of you," Asano says, taking them like one might take a dead bird from a cat and placing them in his bag. "If I knew this was a book exchange, I would have brought my favorite novels."

"Nah, I wouldn't have read them."

"True, true. At least I could say that I tried." He checks his watch. "I have to be on time for class for the first time in days. It feels like my vacation is over."

Karma's eyes dart to the bruise, almost on instinct. The air grows heavier. "Want me to stir up some trouble, get the principal occupied before you have to see him later? I'm itching to pull some kind of stunt. Maybe actually kill him this time."

"I know you're an assassin, but don't speak so lightly of murder," Asano chides, then taps at his cheek. "Don't do anything. I have it under control. You're forgetting that you're not the only genius at this school." Karma wants to object to this, but Asano looks like a guy with a plan, and he won't interfere with it.

"If you say so." He takes Nagisa's hand, delighted that he can do so now. "We're heading up now. Bye, stick ass."

"Goodbye, delinquent," Asano replies, and they go their separate ways, just as they always do. Karma has no idea when they'll interact next. Will he call Asano tonight to ask how things went with his dad? Will Asano call next week for updates on how the assassination plot is going? Whatever it is, Karma has his head on his shoulders, and he knows more now than he did before. 

_Koro-sensei got what he wanted in the end, huh. I did end up learning a little something, even if it was about how all parents are assholes._

They reach the classroom, and Karma's never enjoyed the pang in his legs from the long trek more. Koro-sensei gives him a knowing smile, and he waves it off with an anti-me knife. _Yeah, you got me. No need to rub it in._

The class is staring at him, probably still wondering why the hell he blew it yesterday, but he still saunters to his seat as he always does. His wonderful, old, lived in, graffitied seat.

He spots a new piece of property damage, and he takes it in with amused eyes.

**If you're reading this, we survived, no thanks to you.**

_No thanks to you either,_ he thinks, and adds his own little note below it, even though Asano won't be around here to see it anytime soon and probably wouldn't approve of his use of obscenities.

**Fuck yeah we survived.**

* * *

He doesn't have to wonder for long what Asano's plan is. By the end of the day, the news that the principal is retiring travels throughout the school, even up to E class through Isogai's many connections.

"Retired, my ass," Terasaka snorts, and Karma agrees with him for once in his life. "He totally got caught in his bull and is being canned." _You have no idea what kind of bull he was up to, but yes. I guess his bull did bite him in the ass in the end._

"I was wondering how much he could get away with before it started to look suspicious," Kayano says thoughtfully. Their class knows better than anyone how much power the principal has, as well as how much he enjoys wielding that power, so the 'retirement' story is considered, then rejected. "Does anyone know what they caught him for?"

"None of this is on the file, but rumor has it that he threw a kid from A class across the room for talking back to him," Isogai says, and that's close enough to the truth that Karma's eyes dart to him. "I doubt it's true, though. The principal doesn't seem like that type of person."

"You never know," Karma chimes in, for once the person with all the information (even if no one else knows it). "Loony people have weird ways of outing themselves. Let's be glad he didn't throw one of us."

"If he did it to you, you'd probably throw him back," Itona says, and everyone laughs and agrees, even Karma. _Hey, if he did it to me while I was in my body, he wouldn't survive it. He's lucky I was a damn good Asano._

He catches Nagisa staring at him, pointing to his cheek, and Karma nods and mouths, _He did it. Hard,_ and mimes a slap. Nagisa mouths back, _Are you okay?_ with furrowed eyebrows, and Karma reaches over to pat his beautiful head.

"Everything's alright now," he whispers, and there's no limit to how many meanings he can stuff into the phrase. He takes a picture of Asano's graffiti, now with his own addition, and sends it to the class A bane-of-his-existence. He gets a response later, once school is officially over and he's already home, since Asano Gakushuu doesn't text during class. 

**A class ass stick:** Stop vandalizing school property.

And if that isn't an indication that everything will be alright, Karma doesn't know what is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this crackish fic spawned for my love of two characters who are basically the same person (except when they aren't). Here's a funny clip to tide you until my next asano and karma shenanigans fic (which should come soonish, i do love my boys)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylDVkWO-6JM
> 
> Also for more emotional Asano fun, read Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by TheShadowsAreNotWatching. Quality stuff right there, and a personal favorite of mine.
> 
> I didn't give Karma a nice cathartic parent ending like I did for Asano, but his parents are less abuse and more neglect. His revenge on them is blocking both of their numbers as soon as he leaves the house, maybe trashing it before he goes. He has the tools for his own closure, he just needs to put them into place

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: laurenshappenstobemyhusband


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